Making the decision to leave skating

[Sierra]

There may be a few of you who remember me from the old forums as the 13 yr old who wanted skating to be her entire life. I wanted to get a job so I could pay for skating everyday, I wanted to become relatively good despite my late starting age (12), and I wanted to make coaching into a career. I worried about what might hold me back... money, time, my age, my parents.
What I never imagined was that the single biggest challenge of my skating career, and of my entire life, would be depression. I am 17 now, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last summer. It's something that's been going on since I was 15.

At one point, skating was my dream. With depression, there is no dreams.. it's been over a year now that I struggle to get out of bed and go to the rink. It's been two years since I could truly enjoy skating without tearing myself down. It's not fair to me or my coach when I'm not putting in the effort necessary... and I have to accept that skating is not healthy for me. This is when I have to step away and learn how to restructure my thought processes before I set foot on the ice. I don't know if I'll return next year, or after I finish college, or when I'm 30- but one thing I do know, this isn't over.

Thank you to all the forum members from the last four years.

[nicklaszlo]

It's been interesting hearing about your progress over the last few years.  Good luck with your recovery, I'm sure you will be back.

[4711]

Best wishes to you!
I hope you find ways to feel better soon!

[jjane45]

We joined the old forum about the same time... Bear hugs... (((((Sierra)))))

[sarahspins]

This is when I have to step away and learn how to restructure my thought processes before I set foot on the ice. I don't know if I'll return next year, or after I finish college, or when I'm 30- but one thing I do know, this isn't over.

{{{HUGS}}}}

I don't think it's ever easy to make that choice to stop skating, but I believe you are making the right choice for you right now.  Take care of yourself, the ice will always be there when you're ready to skate again 

I hope that you will continue to check in from time to time, even if you aren't skating.

[FigureSpins]

Good luck and best wishes!

[SynchKat]

Get yourself well, skating will always be there waiting for you. 

Check in so we know how you are doing.

[techskater]

Get yourself to a healthy place.  The ice will be waiting for the day you return.   

[Doubletoe]

(((HUGS)))  Glad you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.  Hopefully, someday you will be able to come back to the ice and find it cathartic instead of stressful.  Sending good vibes your way!

[PinkLaces]

(((HUGS))) I have an 18 yo daughter that struggles with depression. Take time to take of yourself and get healthy.

[Sierra]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, sorry it took so long for me to get back. I'm under a lot of stress right now w full-time job and full-time college but I'm still going.

[TropicalSk8ter]

Hopefully your time away from the ice isnt long. Get well soon so you can rekindle the love for skating that you have deep inside. Its still there for you when your ready.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I437P using Tapatalk

[Laneybug7]

Just to sort of echo what above posters have said.  The lovely thing about the ice is that its not going anywhere. If/when you do return to it, the ice will still be there. Just to share some of what I've observed based on your posts, you seemed to love skating, but I felt that you were putting alot of pressure on yourself to get up to a higher level. And sometimes to prove to your mom or others that you were worthy.  That sounded kind of dangerous to me, but hey maybe you were just extremely determined to reach your goals.  Please don't be offended that I said that, it's simply what I was interpreting.  It's sad that it backfired and you're going through this difficult time.  I hope someday as you recover, you can realize your amazing accomplishments in this sport and life in general. You're seventeen and working a full time job while in college. My sibs are eighteen and are far too lazy to take on full time jobs while their in college...better yet put their dishes in the dishwasher.  You landed an axel...plain and simple, that's a huge accomplishment!  I know plenty of people who have skated twice as long as you who haven't even come close. You have a lot to be proud of, but I'm not going to tell you 'okay be happy', because depression definitely takes time to overcome.  (I suffer through bouts of it myself.) You seem very hard working and determined and I know you can get through this. Hang in there.  The ice will welcome you back when you are ready:)