Is it appropriate to get a confirmation from new coach first?

[yosemite]

I have a question.

My DD has a primary coach and I want to add her another coach. I checked with the primary coach first and she was OK with it. But when the second coach contacted her, she refused. So I had to talk with her again and she was OK with it after.  But she was not happy about it and does not treat my daughter as nice as before and didn't give me the time she originally promised.

The second coach is good and my dd likes her very much. I'm thinking of transferring my DD later. But second coach is respecting the primary coach very much and I'm not sure if she will take my dd if I quit my current coach. Is it ok if I just ask if she can take my dd if I want do a switch? I know I should tell the current coach first but I'm concerning that my daughter will have no coach if  the second coach doesn't take her even she always says she likes my dd. She cares primary coach's feeling very much and mentioned several times she doesn't want the primary coach not happy. And most of the time she is the second coach and only be the primary coach for couple of kids who don't have other coach. That's why I'm not sure.

Thanks for your advice!

[yosemite]

No professional advice for me?

[FigureSpins]

You did the right thing, but it sounds like there's a communications problem.  Either the primary coach didn't understand what you were asking in terms of "adding a coach," or she said "yes" and meant "no."  (I guess it's possible that she forgot that she had agreed to the second coach, but that only explains the first time.)

Sounds like the primary coach is defensive and afraid of losing students through this "add and switch" method.  The second coach doesn't want to be labeled a poacher.  I can't blame the second coach for not wanting to get involved. 

You could very well end up with no coach, which I don't think is fair, but sometimes happens in these situations.  If it's not the first time you've had conflicts with coaches, you could be in real trouble.  Word travels faster than Superman in an ice rink.

Why don't you try and get the two coaches together with you to discuss the situation rationally?
Take them out for coffee, without the skater, and talk it over to try and come to an agreement.
Bring up the scheduling conflict; maybe that will give the primary coach a way to gracefully exit.

Good luck.

[yosemite]

Thanks a lot！ FigureSpins.

It's the first time we had conflict. We never change coach before.

The primary coach is in charge of everything. I wish the second coach could also work on her program but she didn't. I guess the primary coach talked with her. Now the second coach only teach things the primary coach allows her and it's not for my dd's best interest. I'm very concerning about it.  

For the schedule, the primary coach is very popular and she has lots of student and it's really hard for me to get the time I want.  Second coach told me that let the primary coach select the time --- whatever she wants. After setting up time with second coach for the first time, primary coach wanted that one so we had to give to her and rescheduled. So it's not easy for me to schedule a class with second coach. Is this right? The primary coach has priority for the time even I would prefer to have lesson with the other one?  I'm afraid if  I use schedule as the reason, the primary coach might just take all the time second coach could teach and second coach will not say anything about it. ;-(

As you said, the primary coach is very defensive. She agreed to add the coach by telling me "whatever it's good for my dd" and said differently to second coach.   She was very rude when I asked her permission again to add the second coach and even yelled at me. I do plan to keep both coaches at the beginning but looks like it's really hard to handle. After adding new coach, the primary started to ignore me and my dd at the rink, refuse to help playing her music at FS session  and etc. If I leave her, I'm sure she will be mad even I really don't want to hurt her feeling. She was nice to my dd before and my dd likes her. I don't want my dd gets hurt that her coach never talks with her again  in the rink. If I keep her, she is already not happy and I'm concerning if she will pay enough attention to my dd based on her current attitude.

I also have concern about meeting together. The primary doesn't sound rationally to me. If the second coach has no intention to take my dd, is it  appropriate  to involve her into discussion?   I'm  also worrying about if the primary coach is not happy, the second coach will just say she  can't teach my dd as she doesn't want to break the relationship with primary coach. If the primary coach spread something at the rink,  my dd may end up with   no coach as it's a very small world.  

So in this case, is it ok if I told second coach that I have decided to quit my current coach and an she continue teach  my dd after? I will not ask her to be my dd's primary coach right away.  I want to give both some time. In this way, my dd probably won't be able to compete as the originally planned without a main coach.

[isakswings]

You are in a very sticky situation. It sounds like you started out trying to handle this the correct way, but somewhere along the way, things got a little twisted. I am not implying you did anything wrong, just that there seems to be a communication error. As hard as it may be, you need to talk to both coaches. Together might be best so that they are both hearing the same comversation. That way everyone will be on the same page. I would not got to secondary coach and ask her if she will take your dd full time before you talk to your current primary coach. Not only could it seem sneaky and underhanded but you will also be putting secondary coach in an uncomfortable position.

It also seems that your child's current coach has a bit of a reason to be a little defensive. It sounds like you were intending on eventually making the secondary coach  your dd's primary coach. Instead of slowly switching over to the secondary coach, why not just be completely upfront with your primary coach and explain your position? The secibdary coach will likely stay hesitant until you resolve this situation. From my experience, coaches really want to stay friends with other coaches. They do not want to have conflicts.

The hard part is, as a parent we want what is best for our child. Is there anyone local you can confide in who might have some advice to offer? Someone who knows both coaches and can help you decide the best approach?

[yosemite]

It sounds like you were intending on eventually making the secondary coach  your dd's primary coach. Instead of slowly switching over to the secondary coach,

---- Originally, I didn't plan to switch. I would like to have both if possible. But the primary coach's attitude concerns me. if she is nice as before and I would like to still have her as primary. She was nice to my DD before and my DD likes her. The reason I want to add second is my DD didn't have progress for more than half a year and the primary coach didn't teach her in detail. My dd is frustrated about it. I communicated with her already and it didn't help. The second coach teaches exactly the way  my dd and I likes and she is making noticeable progress. My dd is very excited every time she has lesson with second coach.

The secibdary coach will likely stay hesitant until you resolve this situation. From my experience, coaches really want to stay friends with other coaches

--- Yes. I understand that. So far I didn't mention anything to second coach.  

Is there anyone local you can confide in who might have some advice to offer? Someone who knows both coaches and can help you decide the best approach?

--- Not as I know of. Most kids with the primary only have one coach.

Looks like the situation is complicated. I think I will hold on for a while and give both coach more time to see how it goes.

Thanks for the suggestion.

[isakswings]

I am sorry this situation is so tense for you and your daughter. Honestly, if she hasn't made progress with the primary coach and is frustrated about it, maybe it IS time for a switch. From what you wrote last, it sounds like the secondary coach is better at explaining things to your daughter then the primary coach is? That alone would make me think about switching as well. It doesn't mean her primary coach isn't good, but maybe she her teaching style isn't one that works for your daughter? How long has your daughter been with primary coach? How old is your daughter and what level is she skating at? Also, did you ever talk to primary coach about her lack of progress? Depending on her level, age and ability, I do think it's common to stall some. Another thought... I have known skaters who stall and then have another skater or another coach(a secondary coach... or someone primary coach approves of) explain the move to them and it clicks! Sometimes a fresh prespective can help clear a block. No one can tell you what to do. You need to do what you and your daughter think is best. Skating is expensive and if your current situation isn't making you or your child happy, I would definately have more conversations with her coach about the things you are concerned about. We have never had to make a coaching change, so I do not have experience in this area. There is a post in this catagory about how to handle a coaching change. a lot of people on this forum responded and had sage advice to share. It might be worth a read.

edited to add link to discussion about the skater/coach/parent relationship....
http://skatingforums.com/index.php/topic,1259.0.html


Good luck! I don't envy you at all. It sounds like a sticky situation. However, if done correctly, the transition doesn't have to be hard.

[icefrog]

Do the two coaches work in a "team"? At my rink there are 2 groups of team teaching coaches. I know that I could take from any coach in the team that my coach is in, but if I wanted to work with someone not in her group and with a different teaching technique it would be weird.