Question for Parents - LTS Boy in white skates

[blue111moon]

There's one boy in my LTS class (age 6 - Basic 2) who wears his sister's outgrown white figure skates.  He's very enthusiastic about skating and doesn't seem to know or care what kind of skates he's wearing as long as he gets to skate.  I think this is great and I don't want to discourage him in any way.

However, a new session will be starting soon and traditionally this is when the budding hockey players show up in droves.  I'm afraid that one of them (or one of their dads) will say something to the little boy along the lines of "Why are you wearing GIRLS' skates?).  In fact, knowing the crowd that we usually get, I'm pretty sure someone will say something eventually and it probably won't be kind.

I'm wondering if I should say something to the boy's mother about possbily painting the skates black.  I get the feeling that money is an issue;  the boy's older sister also skates with us and is progressing quickly.  I suspect that if new skates are needed, Sis will get them and Brother will again get her old white ones.

We're only talking Basic Skills here so I don't want to pressure the mom to buy into stereotypes but OTOH I don't want the kid subjected to any form of teasing or ridicule from the occassionally loud-mouthed hockey kids either.  The boy loves to skates, likes spinning and is looking forward to learning the jumps he sees his sister trying. 

Should I say something (heck, I'd even offer to paint the skates myself!) or keep my mouth shut and hope for the best?

[Skittl1321]

I'm not a parent, but I coach LTS.

At our rink, we have lots of boys in white skates in the early levels, and a few in freestyle also (and girls in black- great used skate trade).  Since it is common, it isn't an issue.

You know your rink culture, and if you think it will be an issue, I'd say something.  Could YOU spring the $8 for boot covers and give them to her? Ask for them to be returned when he grows out of the skates or quit skating (may not happen, so be prepared) and then you have a pair if the situation comes up again.  We have quite a few kids who use covers to camoflauge that their skates are the wrong color, or that they are down right OLD and ugly looking.

Or recommend skate tape or boot polish.   

A good way to prevent bullying is to let them know something might come up.

[FigureSpins]

There are a lot of parents who are really into gender-indifference, so unless you know that this is simply a hand-me-down situation, be careful how you approach the parents.  You don't want to offend or (maybe worse) get a lecture on why it shouldn't matter whether the kid plays with Barbie or GI Joe.  (just kidding...sort of...)

I had one absolutely adorable little boy in Parent & Me who wore white skates very proudly.  He won them in a raffle - his first time ever winning anything!  His parents didn't make a big deal out of the color, so neither did I.  I think that, given his self-confidence, he would tell someone who teased him, "They're my own skates, that I won all by myself!"  (They were a tad big for him, too, but he was determined to wear them because they were his.)

If your student is doing okay on these skates, you could share that with the mom.  Something like "He's doing really well on those skates- you were smart to reuse them."  Suggest changing the laces since they might be a bit stretched out or worn.  If she brings up the color, then you could offer suggestions on turning them black.  (I think a checkerboard pattern would be cooler, though, lol.)  If she doesn't mention it, I'd be color-blind.  After all, it really doesn't matter as long as he can use them.

We don't have any other boys at our rink wearing white skates, afaik. 

[Skittl1321]

There are a lot of parents who are really into gender-indifference, so unless you know that this is simply a hand-me-down situation, be careful how you approach the parents.  You don't want to offend or (maybe worse) get a lecture on why it shouldn't matter whether the kid plays with Barbie or GI Joe.  (just kidding...sort of...)

This is why it SHOULD NOT be approached to the kid.  But I think it would be worth the lecture to bring it up.  I like your idea of pointing out it is smart to reuse the skates, and would add "it shouldn't matter, but kids can be cruel".

Then the parents have the information to make the decision they choose.  I wouldn't bring it up again if they don't turn black.

[nicklaszlo]

Or recommend skate tape or boot polish.   

Black electrical tape from the hardware store is really cheap.

[rosereedy]

We have some LTS girls at our rink and one wears a pair of black boys skates.  She doesn't notice but I've seen coaches and other skaters laughing behind their backs about it. 

[Skittl1321]

I've seen coaches  

That is HORRIBLE. 

[hopskipjump]

No one would care at my rink - black on girls, white on boys.  Heck - I think everyone is just happy to see kids in their own skates vs rentals.  Rentals make skating difficult to learn to do more than go in circles around the rink.  If I were to see a coach mocking a CHILD, I'd say something to them right then and there. 

[PrettySk8Dress]

We have some LTS girls at our rink and one wears a pair of black boys skates.  She doesn't notice but I've seen coaches and other skaters laughing behind their backs about it.  

So, does the burden of adjustment fall upon the little girl skater in black boots, or the little boy skater in white boots, to conform to what others have determined is the preferred gender indication as evidenced by the color of their skates, or does the burden of adjustment fall upon the other skaters, coaches, and adults to dispense with possible prejudicial attitudes regarding alleged gender non-conformity, as evidenced by the color of the kids skates ? This can be a positive teaching and learning experience for all about gender issues, if done correctly, but a real clash and a messy display of attitudes by the adults if handled incorrectly.

[FigureSpins]

Yep, that's the lecture I meant. 

[Clarice]

Didn't Michael Weiss start in white skates, handed down from his sister?

[FigureSpins]

I think I remember that anecdote about Michael Weiss, too.

I had a student in a big group class for a private academy school that left me pronoun-challenged.  I had to use the child's name instead of him/her/he/she because I just could NOT figure out the 8-year old's gender.  Both ears were pierced with good-sized diamond studs, hair was shoulder-length and loose, the school wore uniforms, everyone had blue rental figure skates, no voice clues at that age and the name could be male or female.  I tried checking out who the kid hung out with, figuring birds of a feather - nah.  Got along with everyone, hung out with whoever was having fun.  Since I was teaching, I couldn't eavesdrop on others' conversations, to hopefully catch a him or a her, lol.  Towards the end of the class, I asked one of the teachers because I just couldn't stand the suspense anymore.  (The student was a boy, as it turned out.)

[Sk8tmum]

My son wore white skates, with black boot covers. It worked.  And I have also seen little girls in black skates with white boot covers.  In terms of issues with equipment ... it does vary from community to community.  Where we live now, he would have been the object of ridicule from parents and skaters if he skated in white boots, thus, we would not want a then 6 year old boy to deal with it.  Where we lived back-in-the-day, the ridicule would have been NOT because of the colour of the skates, but, on a different level, that we couldn't afford to purchase him appropriate equipment, let alone the colour - ! 

Kids should never be teased or ridiculed when they are little. Skating is supposed to be fun ... end of discussion. But, I've also seen teasing in other sports where kids don' thave the "right" equipment, whether in terms of type, quality or "newness ..." 

Rant done.

[Skittl1321]

When I was a kid and used to get left at the mall for hours to skate, I bought a pair of boot covers to put over rental skates.  Then none of the "regulars" wouldn't know I wasn't a "real" skater.  (Um, they likely could tell based on the fact that I was only there a few days a month, didn't take lessons, and couldn't do anything, but I didn't think about that then.)

I've seen a few kids in the high level LTS classes (B7/8, FS1) do the same- if they are still in rental skates, they cover them.  Around here, we are a winter state so most people own a pair of figure skates, and kids get them pretty early on.  But in other places I've lived, owning figure skates was a luxury for only the "best" skaters.

[PrettySk8Dress]

My son wore white skates, with black boot covers. It worked.  And I have also seen little girls in black skates with white boot covers.  In terms of issues with equipment ... it does vary from community to community.

Kids should never be teased or ridiculed when they are little. Skating is supposed to be fun ... end of discussion. But, I've also seen teasing in other sports where kids don' thave the "right" equipment, whether in terms of type, quality or "newness ..."  

Rant done

This is the correct answer to my earlier question, IMO, and I agree with you that the burden should not fall on children to already know to " conform " to other adult's predetermined, judgmental attitudes. It is the adults who need to readjust their possible prejudicial attitudes about the appearance of possible gender non-conformity.
I feel that the gender designation as determined by the color of a skater's boots is a valid one. However, there should be an attitude of tolerance and acceptance for those skaters who may be the exception to the boot color indicator of gender. Examples of this would be child skaters who wear a different color of boots than their birth gender due to financial constraints, or due to fit and growth issues. Also teen and adolescent skaters who are or may be transgender individuals and undergoing gender therapy and social readjustment should be allowed to wear the color of boots of their correct gender. Transgender skaters also should be allowed to wear the appropriate skating outfits and clothing of their correct gender, too.  None of these young skaters should be
" teased or ridiculed " by other skaters or adults because of their situation being viewed as supposedly non-conforming, IMO. Especially adult skaters and coaches should take the lead in making the rink or practice sessions a place of welcome and tolerance to all skaters, within reason, the color of their boots or their choice of their correct skating attire notwithstanding.  

[FigureSpins]

Oh yeah, lots of transgendered six-year olds running around.    

The parents bought WHITE skates for their daughter and then passed them on to the son.  Since they didn't buy her black skates, so they probably are conformists and that's THEIR choice, which should be respected as well.  I think they're just trying to reuse the skates, not change the world.

The OP just wanted to give the parents some options to avoid teasing or bullying, which might discourage the boy from skating.  That's really what's most important.  You can't lecture other people or their children at an ice rink.

[PrettySk8Dress]

Oh yeah, lots of transgenders six-year olds running around.   

Are " teen and adolescent skaters " really six years old ?

[Skittl1321]

Oh yeah, lots of transgenders six-year olds running around.  

You'd be surprised...
We had a 3rd grader (which I know is older than 6) who came to school everyday, but PE days (pants were required, even for girls), in a dress.  He had pierced ears (which he would wear "girly" earrings like dangles) and regularly wore makeup and nail polish. The school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying, so not much was said to him.  Outside of school, kids were horrible to him.  (This kid was not a figure skater.)  I don't know what happened to this kid, as this was 8 years ago, but I would not be surprised if he was truly transgendered, he definetly had the thought that he was in the wrong body for him.

At the rink we have a 5th grade boy who wears eyeliner everyday, to school as well- due to his hero, a singer from Green Day who also wears it. He also has a penchant for sequins and shiny clothes, and often comes to public skate in some wild outfits (that wouldn't be out of place in an international competition, but aren't typical for boys at his level, and definetly not on practice ice).  He was tease terribly in LTS (NOT while on the ice, we wouldn't allow it), but has been accepted in FS levels and has lots of friends at the rink.   I don't think this boy is transgendered.  I don't know whether or not he is gay, and it doesn't really matter- he hasn't even hit puberty really, so who knows if he even knows or has thought about it yet.



------------------

I agree that no one SHOULD get teased for non-conforming actions.  But they will be.  And unlike in a school environment, there is very little LTS instructors can do to prevent the behavior (since much of it takes place off ice).  For the case of the OP, I'd just let the parents know it might become an issue, with hockey kids returning to the ice soon.  The parents can then decide if action needs to be taken or not.   But to just say "they shouldn't be teased for it" and dismiss it as if it is no longer an issue is naive.

[FigureSpins]

But to just say "they shouldn't be teased for it" and dismiss it as if it is no longer an issue is naive.

Very good point.  We can't control what other people say or do, but we can either head it off or control how we react.  The OP wanted to know if she should clue the parents in to a potential teasing situation, which can be avoided with a little effort.  Or, they can give the kid good reasons why they're reusing the skates and work on some replies or tactics to use if they are bullied.  Either way, it's far more progressive than giving lectures without knowing the whole story.

Are " teen and adolescent skaters " really six years old ?

The OP said the boy in question is six years old.  He probably didn't ask for white skates, they're hand-me-downs from his sister. 


I wonder if the parents will buy the kid his own black skates before the OP gets a chance to chat with them, thereby negating all of our worries?  *chuckles*

[PrettySk8Dress]

We can't control what other people say or do, but we can either head it off or control how we react.  The OP wanted to know if she should clue the parents in to a potential teasing situation, which can be avoided with a little effort.  Or, they can give the kid good reasons why they're reusing the skates and work on some replies or tactics to use if they are bullied.  Either way, it's far more progressive than giving lectures without knowing the whole story.

Very good reasoning, FigureSpins, I concur.  So often, events such as the OP has pointed out, could be sessions of teaching and learning about tolerance and acceptance of different-minded children or skaters. But, unfortunately due to Human Nature, more likely the situation will degenerate into a " I'm Right, your wrong " or " I don't tolerate this, so you can't either " clash between the adults who, most likely, are not skaters or coaches.  I would hope that someone would step in as a Peacemaker and good example of repelling and defusing bullying, as I would do if this happened at my rink or skating club.

BTW---My reference to Transgender skaters was to " teen-aged skaters " , not to the OP's six year old. Typical six year old kids and skaters do not have gender issues, but a few teen-aged adolescents and skaters do begin to question their gender, and/or have gender issues when they reach the teen years. I know it can be just one more problem for coaches, adult skaters, teachers, club and rink officials, and parents to have to deal with.  

[Schmeck]

You can't lecture other people or their children at an ice rink.

I believe that if parents/kids/coaches belittle and bully a child because his skates are the 'wrong' color, then yes, I can lecture them at an ice rink.  If they do it in public, they get called on it in public.

[FigureSpins]

I don't agree.  If you're an instructor, you can try to distract the kids, but lecturing is over-the-top. 

If a young child asks why the boy was wearing white skates, that's not bullying.
If there's constant teasing, it's better to break it up and talk to the parents.
If the confrontation gets physical, break it up and haul both of them to their parents.

[sarahspins]

I'm really of mixed minds on this... while I personally "prefer" the traditional gender-specific black and white skates, I'm not bothered by anyone who chooses to skate in something else.  In fact I am in a position right now where my 4 year old is probably going to get white skates because he needs a wide width and those just don't come in low level boy's skates (I think the lowest model Riedell makes for boys that comes in wide is the 255 TS, which is well above what he needs.. it's similar with Jackson, boys just don't come in wide until higher levels).  I don't think I am going to bother taping his next skates or doing anything else to them... I will just leave them white.  He is only 4 and I can't see that it matters at all what color they are.. what matters more is that they will correctly fit his feet (he currently skates in tiny SP Teri's that we got for only $25... there's no way I am buying another pair in a size larger, they would be over $400!).

[Sk8tmum]

I'm really of mixed minds on this... while I personally "prefer" the traditional gender-specific black and white skates, I'm not bothered by anyone who chooses to skate in something else.  In fact I am in a position right now where my 4 year old is probably going to get white skates because he needs a wide width and those just don't come in low level boy's skates (I think the lowest model Riedell makes for boys that comes in wide is the 255 TS, which is well above what he needs.. it's similar with Jackson, boys just don't come in wide until higher levels).  I don't think I am going to bother taping his next skates or doing anything else to them... I will just leave them white.  He is only 4 and I can't see that it matters at all what color they are.. what matters more is that they will correctly fit his feet (he currently skates in tiny SP Teri's that we got for only $25... there's no way I am buying another pair in a size larger, they would be over $400!).

You can get black boot covers for next to nothing, and that way the resale value is not reduced (as it would be by taping or painting). Or, if it's for a 4 year old - go really funky and get red ones or green ones !  My son would have loved it at that age (and so would my daughter, come to think of it ... she thought white was booorrringgg.)

[Schmeck]

I don't agree.  If you're an instructor, you can try to distract the kids, but lecturing is over-the-top. 

If a young child asks why the boy was wearing white skates, that's not bullying.
If there's constant teasing, it's better to break it up and talk to the parents.
If the confrontation gets physical, break it up and haul both of them to their parents.

I'm not an instructor, but I do have extensive training in anti-bullying programs.  I do think we have different ideas of what constitutes lecturing    I think telling a child that it is not kind to make fun of anyone, for any reason, and that I do not allow it to happen when I know about it is lecturing, and I will do that.  I won't spend half an hour talking about it, but I will address it as it happens, and I will not tolerate any kind of belittling behavior.