Perfectionism

1210 · August 08, 2011, 01:34:20 AM

Does anyone else here struggle with a severe case of perfectionsm?

The kind that leaves you storming off the ice crying because something just isn't going right?
My coach is getting angry with me that I am getting angry with me...I have had a HUGE learning curve since I began skating in December, I'm already working on Salchows! But it seems like I've hit and mental, and physical wall, and when something doesn't go right, I get very, very upset. My coach notices it, and she is always telling me "you're fine, you had a great practice, and you're improving." But I don't see any of that, all I see is "I still can't do that perfectly."
I've ALWAYS been a perfectionist, from school to skating to even cleaning the house. And I want to break free from it, especially while I'm skating.
Does anyone else have problems with wanting everything to be perfect? Any advice? And if it was as easy as deciding to not be a perfectionist, I wouldn't be making this post

Thanks!

fsk8r · August 08, 2011, 04:00:42 AM

It's the nature of the sport. To improve you've got to look for perfection, but you've also got to learn to contain your frustration. I find I get most upset with me when I'm tired and having a bad week. At those times it's best to get a little perspective and it's really helpful to take stock and see what you did fix that day and then see where you've come from. It's just hard especially when you're stuck working on something for a long time.

karne · August 08, 2011, 08:00:00 AM

Absolutely - in fact, mine happened at almost exactly the same place yours is; just after I learned my salchow. Also on the same test is a forward consecutive change of edge pattern - FO-FI (change feet) FI-FO FO-FI (change feet) FI-FO, it's horrid, I hated it, I was stuck on it for four months and I had many breakdowns over it.

I get very perfectionist, but I try not to freak out too much (mostly because it startled my coach the one time I actually had my breakdown in lesson). With practice, it will come. And some days are worse than others. I've had days where my salchow doesn't even get off the ice. I've had days where a bunny hop doesn't even get off the ice, FFS!

techskater · August 08, 2011, 09:13:03 PM

I highly recommend a journal to break free of it. Basically, log ALL THE GOOD things (go on as long as possible) that happen on a session and then one line of bad things. Go back and read it occasionally.

SynchKat · August 09, 2011, 09:54:22 AM

It's good to be a perfectionist. Remember though learning to skate is like learning to walk all over again!

Everyone has bad days. Just look at the competitors who have a meltdown in the middle of Worlds.

I always try to explain to my husband and his family that sometimes your feet and legs just don't feel right.

So on these days when things aren't going right maybe you could just leave what's not working on do something else. Everyone can always work on turns and just basic stroking. I always find when I leave something alone when I come back to it I find I can do it a lot better. I know it's hard to give up on something you're working on but maybe give yourself a limit on how many attempts you try and then take a break. if you are in a lesson just tell your coach it's not a good day for that can you do something else. Maybe ask to learn something completely new and fun.

So no cure for perfectionism just some tips on becoming less frustrated.

Sierra · August 09, 2011, 11:40:37 AM

I'm a perfectionist too. I have to learn, just let go of things.

My rule is no crying on the ice. No meltdowns, no tears, no nothing. If I'm on the verge of tears, I need to stop and do something else.

The one time I broke my rule, was while working on a competition program which I was wholly not prepared for. Later on I put my foot down and refused to compete and refused to continue working on the program, very much against my coach's and parent's wishes. Skating should not put me in such a state of stress and misery.

emilayy · August 11, 2011, 05:30:36 PM

i am such a perfectionist. i think that's why i'm still skating...

yeahh the other day, my coach told me to do quad twizzles, and i when he was happy that i did a couple good ones, i wasn't because i put my foot down a couple times. to an extent, i think perfectionism is beneficial to skaters. it's the drive to constantly improve that keeps us all on the ice!

Doubletoe · August 15, 2011, 08:05:44 PM

Yes, this is a sport that attracts perfectionists. It's some sort of karmic self-punishment, I think, LOL!

As you move on to more advanced skills, everything gets progressively harder, so if you are frustrated now, the lutz may very well drive you to the madhouse. What has helped keep me sane is looking for the value and "gain" in every practice and lesson, even if all I've accomplished was identifying a problem area or "putting in the hours". For example, in my practices this week, I've had a hard time landing the second axel in my program, which I do from a different entrance than my first one. Rather than letting a bad fall and many aborted attempts frustrate me, I used them to troubleshoot what the problem was. Lack of confidence? Too much speed? Wrong pattern setting me up poorly? Even though I left the rink without landing it in my program yesterday, I considered it a breakthrough that I finally managed to narrow down what the problem was (it was a pattern issue). Now I am a lot closer to landing it in my next practice, even though I had what appeared to be a "terrible" practice yesterday. Once you accept the inevitability of making a certain number of mistakes before mastering each skill, you'll be able to celebrate each mistake as bringing you one step closer to meeting your quota.

It also helps to get a video of your skating just once or twice a year and compare it to the last one. Just like the stock market, if you keep investing, you will eventually find that you make significant gains in the long run, but if you keep looking for gains every single week, you will drive yourself crazy!

techskater · August 15, 2011, 09:02:55 PM

Quote from: Doubletoe on August 15, 2011, 08:05:44 PM
For example, in my practices this week, I've had a hard time landing the second axel in my program, which I do from a different entrance than my first one. Rather than letting a bad fall and many aborted attempts frustrate me, I used them to troubleshoot what the problem was. Lack of confidence? Too much speed? Wrong pattern setting me up poorly?

My secondary coach would tell you it is NEVER TOO MUCH SPEED.

He's a big proponent of more speed, bigger distance, higher lift. It works, too.

emilayy · August 16, 2011, 06:07:48 PM

Quote from: techskater on August 15, 2011, 09:02:55 PM
My secondary coach would tell you it is NEVER TOO MUCH SPEED. He's a big proponent of more speed, bigger distance, higher lift. It works, too.

that is true, but if you're going for a jump that is difficult or inconsistent for you, then speed might make it more intimidating. but i definitely agree that speed helps...sometimes the confidence to enter a jump with speed is the problem.

techskater · August 16, 2011, 07:33:52 PM

Even when it's inconsistent or you are struggling with confidence on it, he's likely to tell you if you are holding back and make you push yourself into it. Slowing down going into it will not make it consistent.

In most instances, he's been right.

jjane45 · August 16, 2011, 09:28:35 PM

Quote from: techskater on August 16, 2011, 07:33:52 PM
Even when it's inconsistent or you are struggling with confidence on it, he's likely to tell you if you are holding back and make you push yourself into it. Slowing down going into it will not make it consistent. In most instances, he's been right.

While hesitance will not work for jumps (evil lutz), too much speed will also throw it off. Carolina Kostner came to mind first.

techskater · August 17, 2011, 06:50:40 PM

Her issue is not her speed going in, it's her air position.

emilayy · August 17, 2011, 08:46:38 PM

so the perfectionist in me wants to skate 7 days a week, 2 hours a day, but for obvious reasons this can't happen. for the past couple years, i've skated 3 days a week with a coach (2 half sessions and 1 full session), and usually one day just practicing on my own. but as i enter my senior year of high school, i want to improve as much as i can before i go to college (which, depending on the college, might be the end of skating for me). so i want to continue skating 3-4 days a week, plus i want to do theater on ice and maybe off ice. i've never done theater on ice before, but i just really don't want to have any regrets after i leave, so i want to do it this year. also, as you guys probably know, freestyle skating can be a kind of lonely thing, and i think i would enjoy skating in a group atmosphere doing toi. buttttt everything is so damn expensive that something has gotta go. what i'm wondering is, which should go first? should i cut back on ice time or coach time? not do theater? not do off ice? or offer to pay for some of it with my money i make teaching skating?

if you read this, you rock! let me know what you think.

Sierra · August 17, 2011, 09:40:29 PM

Quote from: emilayy on August 17, 2011, 08:46:38 PM
so the perfectionist in me wants to skate 7 days a week, 2 hours a day, but for obvious reasons this can't happen. for the past couple years, i've skated 3 days a week with a coach (2 half sessions and 1 full session), and usually one day just practicing on my own. but as i enter my senior year of high school, i want to improve as much as i can before i go to college (which, depending on the college, might be the end of skating for me). so i want to continue skating 3-4 days a week, plus i want to do theater on ice and maybe off ice. i've never done theater on ice before, but i just really don't want to have any regrets after i leave, so i want to do it this year. also, as you guys probably know, freestyle skating can be a kind of lonely thing, and i think i would enjoy skating in a group atmosphere doing toi. buttttt everything is so damn expensive that something has gotta go. what i'm wondering is, which should go first? should i cut back on ice time or coach time? not do theater? not do off ice? or offer to pay for some of it with my money i make teaching skating?

if you read this, you rock! let me know what you think.

I would definitely help pay, if your parents are paying all of it right now.
I would say not do an off-ice class. You can do that at home by yourself, and the only cost is some cheap equipment, like ankle weights. I've never done an off-ice class asides from a few jumping classes here and there, but I strength-train everyday at home.

emilayy · August 17, 2011, 09:50:45 PM

Quote from: Sierra on August 17, 2011, 09:40:29 PM
I would definitely help pay, if your parents are paying all of it right now.
I would say not do an off-ice class. You can do that at home by yourself, and the only cost is some cheap equipment, like ankle weights. I've never done an off-ice class asides from a few jumping classes here and there, but I strength-train everyday at home.

yeah i'm definitely going to offer, but last time i said that they said they wanted me to save my money. hopefully it'll work out this time!

TheAquarian · August 18, 2011, 10:54:29 AM

I am a perfectionist too about many things, but rather than getting angry at me, I think that my coach recognizes that it drives me to succeed. I am the type of person that will spend 2 and a half hours on the ice doing one move over and over again until I feel as if I am pulling it off correctly and can do it again the next time I come back to the ice. You should have seen me when I was learning mohawks lol...

The only times that my coach was really annoyed by this was when this obsessive part of my personality caused me to not practice other things that she felt needed to be worked on.

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Perfectionism