Not sure whether to be flattered...

[jlspink22]

I live in an area where people tend on the side of having plenty of disposable income. My husband and I work long & hard to pay for our (only) child's skating/supplemental activities in both time and financial costs. Last two weeks I've noticed some of their little ones running around in new, $$$ too advanced skates, and my hubby's overheard them talking about DD (she's the only one that actually practices/skates during the 30 min warmup while the rest of them make snowballs). I wouldn't really care what they say but these are the same parents that complain over everything, yet are the last ones to show up and the first to leave after lessons. I'd love for my daughter to make new skating friends, but not sure I could deal with their parents. I wasn't sure if this belonged in rinks rants and raves, because it's not about the facility or sessions themselves. Ha.

[Loops]

Hopefully they were saying nice things! 

Lots of disposable income (or giving off the appearance of it) is par for the course in skating.  You're doing the right thing by keeping your feet on the ground. 

You might appreciate this story- one family I used to skate with had 3 girls, only one of whom had any shot of making a decent showing at sectionals (note- NOT placing).  All three of these kids always had the latest and greatest equipment, newest scribes, the "IT" skate bag of the season..... and by the time I quit, they actually each had three- yes three- pairs of Harlicks.  This was before Harlick had stock boots, so these were customs.  Three pairs, one old broken in one for patch, solid ones for free and for Dance.  Two sets of skates were the norm in my rink (patch and free/dance).  There was only one dance session a week....maybe two, but none of us was partnered or anything, and none of them were at a level where dance blades would have made a difference.... My mom and I just laughed and shook our heads....outside of the rink of course.

[amy1984]

I see a lot of kids in expensive skates and skating wear.  It's par for the course where I am and if you have the money and aren't mocking those who don't, I really could care less.  Heck, I spend a fair bit myself, but I also skate a lot and don't want to look like a complete slob.  What gets me though, is little Mary stepping on the ice with brand new skates that are way too stiff for her, and all the newest chloe/iviva/triple flip stuff when the kid can't even do a three turn.  I get wanting your kid to have fun, wear cute clothes, etc (seriously, the shallow side of my brain totally gets wanting to put your kid in cute clothes that you and she enjoy).  But at least wait to see if she takes to the sport before you start spending so much $$.  Or maybe spend a bit of that money on lessons or ice time.

[jlspink22]

Ooh I love cute frilly clothes, lol. I've actually have traded spending money on clothes for more ice time. Right now, decent skates plus lots of ice time has been paying off more. DD knows she has to earn the fancy (ie custom) skates. Some of the parents at our clubs home rink are more grounded thankfully.

[icedancer]

Hang in there!

There are people from all over the economic spectrum in skating - and you never know who is really going to go "all the way" - and even along the way there will be bumps - so yes, of course I have seen this - even when I was a kid skating - my parents were okay financially but we didn't live in a big house in a fancy neighborhood.  I remember when my skating friends would come for an overnight they would often remark what I small house we lived in... it was fine for us!

The worst I ever saw was a little 5 year-old taking pre-pre Moves in Gold Seal blades (they also had the gold finish) - the couldn't skate backwards - and honestly could hardly skate at all!  The judge that I was working with (a National judge actually) asked me why I thought she had so much trouble skating - I told her I thought it was the blades.

We felt bad not passing the test but the coach actually thanked us afterwards because of course they were "those" types of parents... I don't think I ever saw that girl again...

It's too bad because if she had had more reasonable equipment and they had had more reasonable expectations, maybe she would have gone "all the way" - who knows?

[irenar5]

It is not just skating parents who overindulge their kids with expensive gear.  I see it on ski slopes with adults, too- the latest and greatest equipment, very expensive clothes, etc.  Then they get off the lift and have no technique to show for it.   

[littlerain]

I have this horrible fear that when I have children, and if they end up skating, that I will end up as one of those parents.  Well, if I have any money that is. I have a horrible shopping habit and love to buy clothes... This year I've gotten far too much workout gear (Nike/under armour/Zella/lulu) for a person that doesn't work out lmao. Maybe one day I'll get over it

[twinskaters]

If your husband heard people talking about your daughter, what did he hear? There's a big difference between "Wow, look at how she's coming along" and "Ugh, why is that little kid advancing faster than my kid, it's not fair!" The latter would definitely have me avoiding those people!

At my rink, most of the girls who are "into" it wear chloe noel or iviva and have a zuca. A few don't and I can honestly say no one gives a hoot, or if they do they're judging silently. My girls happen to have a grandma who loves to spoil them, so I've channeled her energy into skatewear and accessories. We pay for ice time and skates. If the latter were up to grandma I'm sure I would have 8-year-olds in ice flies because "look how they have pretty sparkles!"

[littlerain]

Lol, I think that is perfectly acceptable for grandmas to do!

[DressmakingMomma]

Here's the thing. We don't have a bunch of extra money but I've learned to be really resourceful out of necessity. Somebody looking from the outside might judge us as spending money in the wrong spot if they saw me pull up in my dented, beater minivan with my kid pulling along her zuca while decked out head to toe in Chloe Noel and then watched her pull on custom Harlicks when she's only in freestyle 1.

What they wouldn't know is that my kid saw other kids pulling along light-up wheeled, sparkly bags designed for skating that you can sit on - what girl wouldn't want one. I scoured craigslist until I found one for $50 - I did have to tediously clip the embroidered monogramming off of the previous kid's name and there were a few stains, but she was happy as could be. Later in the year she used a gift card and months of chore money to buy her own insert bag in a design she really liked. The skating clothes came from a used skatewear sale and a gift from an Uncle, I couldn't justify buying new with our current budget. I am fortunate enough to be able to sew her competition dresses for a fraction of the cost. The skates have to be custom because nothing else will fit her feet and the choice is either lay down the money for customs or make her quit. I would love to be able to put her in $200 skates because it would leave so much more money for lessons but it just isn't an option.

I'm giving this perspective because I think its important to know that not all of us parents with Harlick wearing girls are crazy. 

[Loops]

I'm giving this perspective because I think its important to know that not all of us parents with Harlick wearing girls are crazy. 

Absolutely!!!  And I'm sorry if I was interpreted as saying otherwise.  There are plenty of skaters out there at all levels who need customs! There is much more back story to what I posted above than I want to get into here.  The girls I mentioned did not need customs.  In their case, and more to the point I was attempting to make, it was way over the top- I don't think anyone NEEDS three pairs of skates, and it's a certain type of parent that seeks to buy 6 pairs of customs every year.  This was a status/snobbery thing, not indulgent and good-hearted parents/family members.   

Personally, I think one should be appropriately equipped for skating- including appropriate attire.  If you skate a lot, then you need a stock of clothes (or lots of time to do laundry!), and, if you can't sew or don't have that kind of time, in my experience the purpose-made brands actually do work/feel/hold up better.   Then you gotta schlepp it all in something!  And we should have fun with it, otherwise what's the point? 

If people can afford to drop bank on themselves and their kids, and choose to do it, great- more power to them and thanks for supporting the economy! Everyone has their own perception of their needs, and does what they need to do to meet them.  But when it becomes snobbery and "I'm better than you- can you see?" that's when I have a problem.  And going back to the original post, the mother of these three girls would NEVER have said anything nice about another skater in the club, regardless of their level/progression/dedication.  Hopefully the parents she was talking about were nice and supportive, rather than snobby and nasty.

[Loops]

What they wouldn't know is that my kid saw other kids pulling along light-up wheeled, sparkly bags designed for skating that you can sit on - what girl wouldn't want one. I scoured craigslist until I found one for $50 - I did have to tediously clip the embroidered monogramming off of the previous kid's name and there were a few stains, but she was happy as could be. Later in the year she used a gift card and months of chore money to buy her own insert bag in a design she really liked. The skating clothes came from a used skatewear sale and a gift from an Uncle, I couldn't justify buying new with our current budget. I am fortunate enough to be able to sew her competition dresses for a fraction of the cost. The skates have to be custom because nothing else will fit her feet and the choice is either lay down the money for customs or make her quit. I would love to be able to put her in $200 skates because it would leave so much more money for lessons but it just isn't an option.

I also wanted to add that I believe you are doing a great job giving what I feel is a great life perspective to your daughter.  She's one lucky girl.

[jlspink22]

Oh my daughter will need split width skates at least but for not being at freestyle yet, we can survive with stretched out/punched out skates. I haven't bought an off the rack brand new pair yet (been buying off ebay from the parents who buy skates and their kids quit or outgrow them in a month). She wants a zuca bag too but that's a pass all basic levels, birthday style gift. That's what I meant by earning fancy skates... Hard work and dedication earns the good stuff.


My husband said they were pointing and saying "she's good, well she must be 7-8, she must have been taking lessons for a long time." (Add the huffy competitive tone). I get asked a lot how old she is because her small statute and age are a novelty I guess.

PS I know the kids just got new skates because they aren't even broken in, and one came up to show them off to DD.


Hubby grew up with money in a big fancy house but thankfully was not a spoiled brat. He thinks these people are funny.

[jlspink22]

And don't get me wrong I'm a competitive type A person too, but besides here and hubby I keep my mouth shut while giving DD lots of high fives and you go girl praises.

[PhysicsOnIce]

Here's the thing. We don't have a bunch of extra money but I've learned to be really resourceful out of necessity. Somebody looking from the outside might judge us as spending money in the wrong spot if they saw me pull up in my dented, beater minivan with my kid pulling along her zuca while decked out head to toe in Chloe Noel and then watched her pull on custom Harlicks when she's only in freestyle 1.

What they wouldn't know is that my kid saw other kids pulling along light-up wheeled, sparkly bags designed for skating that you can sit on - what girl wouldn't want one. I scoured craigslist until I found one for $50 - I did have to tediously clip the embroidered monogramming off of the previous kid's name and there were a few stains, but she was happy as could be. Later in the year she used a gift card and months of chore money to buy her own insert bag in a design she really liked. The skating clothes came from a used skatewear sale and a gift from an Uncle, I couldn't justify buying new with our current budget. I am fortunate enough to be able to sew her competition dresses for a fraction of the cost. The skates have to be custom because nothing else will fit her feet and the choice is either lay down the money for customs or make her quit. I would love to be able to put her in $200 skates because it would leave so much more money for lessons but it just isn't an option.

I'm giving this perspective because I think its important to know that not all of us parents with Harlick wearing girls are crazy. 

Oh my daughter will need split width skates at least but for not being at freestyle yet, we can survive with stretched out/punched out skates. I haven't bought an off the rack brand new pair yet (been buying off ebay from the parents who buy skates and their kids quit or outgrow them in a month). She wants a zuca bag too but that's a pass all basic levels, birthday style gift. That's what I meant by earning fancy skates... Hard work and dedication earns the good stuff.


My husband said they were pointing and saying "she's good, well she must be 7-8, she must have been taking lessons for a long time." (Add the huffy competitive tone). I get asked a lot how old she is because her small statute and age are a novelty I guess.

PS I know the kids just got new skates because they aren't even broken in, and one came up to show them off to DD.


Hubby grew up with money in a big fancy house but thankfully was not a spoiled brat. He thinks these people are funny.

Can I just say, you both sound like an amazing moms!!! I think your setting up your daughters to be a responsible adult and giving her a great example of living within your means.

In my family, skating as also " if you want the special stuff... you have to earn it via hard work and good grades"  , but my mom always did find away of making/buying me the things I needed, ie good level appropriate skates/blades, ice time and coaching. Zuca's did not exist yet.  I still keep this mentality as an adult as well  my current mentality is " if you want sparkles on your dress, you have to skate a clean competition program.. so no sparkles until that 2sal is landed".

Pink22: Personally I would take the comments as the other parents realizing she is good, but being a bit jealous. That's often the tone skating parents tend to have, don't be surprise if they start to be more negative as your daughter grows and improves in skating but don't let that discourage your little girl.  Take it a compliment and be humble about it, sometimes that's the best thing to do.

[davincisop]

That was my mom with skating, too. And I still thank her to this day for it, because I see tots and kids in basic one buying Chloe from the pro shop and wearing it their first day on the ice. When I started, I had to earn my new skates, I skated in a used pair for two years before my coach finally said it was time to upgrade. I wasn't allowed to get a skirt or dress until I was in Freestyle 1 (that was the Chloe when I started skating, if you wore a dress or skirt to practice, they knew you were serious).

Now I am a grown adult and have no problem treating myself to a nice pair of skate pants, but that's also because I work hard to earn my money and enjoy treating myself to something fun every now and again. But the skate pants I recently purchased, I bought on sale (still living within my means).

I think working hard to earn something is the best way to raise a child, and though I have no kids of my own, from personal experience it makes one work harder and really push to get to that goal.

You both sound like amazing moms!

[jlspink22]

Oh good grades are expected here too!

One time I got smart with my mom and an attitude over being nice to some boy I thought was weird and she slapped me and was like I taught you better. I'll never forget that.

I should know better that some people never grow up but it amazes me still to this day how petty people can be.

[4711]

Here's the thing. We don't have a bunch of extra money but I've learned to be really resourceful out of necessity. Somebody looking from the outside might judge us as spending money in the wrong spot if they saw me pull up in my dented, beater minivan with my kid pulling along her zuca while decked out head to toe in Chloe Noel and then watched her pull on custom Harlicks when she's only in freestyle 1.

What they wouldn't know is that my kid saw other kids pulling along light-up wheeled, sparkly bags designed for skating that you can sit on - what girl wouldn't want one. I scoured craigslist until I found one for $50 - I did have to tediously clip the embroidered monogramming off of the previous kid's name and there were a few stains, but she was happy as could be. Later in the year she used a gift card and months of chore money to buy her own insert bag in a design she really liked. The skating clothes came from a used skatewear sale and a gift from an Uncle, I couldn't justify buying new with our current budget. I am fortunate enough to be able to sew her competition dresses for a fraction of the cost. The skates have to be custom because nothing else will fit her feet and the choice is either lay down the money for customs or make her quit. I would love to be able to put her in $200 skates because it would leave so much more money for lessons but it just isn't an option.

I'm giving this perspective because I think its important to know that not all of us parents with Harlick wearing girls are crazy. 

I suppose you are encouraging all the wealthier parents to over indulge their little girls, more good stuff yo get on the second hand market.   

I just expect that to be part of the culture of modern parenting: There are certain things to be checked off the list before the kid graduates: Soccer, softball, 'karate', riding lessons, skating...if you can you spoil the kid, riding and skating seem to be the top offenders here, the sky is the limit as it seems.

I hope the parents are not shallow and mean - heaven help, those are too common. Maybe their girls aren't all that into skating, but the parents take them anyhow, hoping they make friends, do something, and hopefully discover they like doing it once they get better.

But one should get the best equipment one can afford - which does not mean the most expensive in any situation. Crappy gear spoils the fun.

[jlspink22]

I suppose you are encouraging all the wealthier parents to over indulge their little girls, more good stuff yo get on the second hand market.   

AMEN! Lets see how many of them show up after a couple sessions....through the winter.


J

[AgnesNitt]

Geeze people, what other people spend their money on and what their kids skate in is none of your business. If a rich person looks down on you because your kid isn't wearing the latest fad, turning it around with reverse snobbery about how you save money etc is just as bad. You're being just as judgemental as the people you think are judging you.

Believe me, kids and other adults pick up on this when you're at the rink. Give it a rest.  Do you think the coaches care what your kid's wearing? They do not. They don't care what the rich kid wear's either. And if the rich parent doesn't bring the kid to practice sessions....none of your beeswax.

And I say this as one of those 'awful people' who wear full custom harlicks and I'm only at FS1. And one pair is in TAN! (OMG, I hear in the background, She's wearing TAN boots, only COACHES can wear tan, it's like a PSA RULE OR SOMETHING ISN'T IT!) 

[saje]

Geeze people, what other people spend their money on and what their kids skate in is none of your business. If a rich person looks down on you because your kid isn't wearing the latest fad, turning it around with reverse snobbery about how you save money etc is just as bad. You're being just as judgemental as the people you think are judging you.

Believe me, kids and other adults pick up on this when you're at the rink. Give it a rest.  Do you think the coaches care what your kid's wearing? They do not. They don't care what the rich kid wear's either. And if the rich parent doesn't bring the kid to practice sessions....none of your beeswax.

And I say this as one of those 'awful people' who wear full custom harlicks and I'm only at FS1. And one pair is in TAN! (OMG, I hear in the background, She's wearing TAN boots, only COACHES can wear tan, it's like a PSA RULE OR SOMETHING ISN'T IT!) 

AMEN!  I was about ready to type out a response just like this.  It's not your business to know why so-and-so has fancy new skates or Chloe Noels.  Maybe that kid did earn her skates.  Maybe she got her Chloe Noel whatever as a birthday gift.  Or maybe her parents did buy her the skates and Chloe Noels because she's a spoiled brat.  So what?  How does that affect you?  It doesn't, because so-and-so's kid isn't your business.  Your business is your kid.  Period.

Thanks for the great post, AgnesNitt.

[4711]

Geeze people, what other people spend their money on and what their kids skate in is none of your business. If a rich person looks down on you because your kid isn't wearing the latest fad, turning it around with reverse snobbery about how you save money etc is just as bad. You're being just as judgemental as the people you think are judging you.

Believe me, kids and other adults pick up on this when you're at the rink. Give it a rest.  Do you think the coaches care what your kid's wearing? They do not. They don't care what the rich kid wear's either. And if the rich parent doesn't bring the kid to practice sessions....none of your beeswax.

And I say this as one of those 'awful people' who wear full custom harlicks and I'm only at FS1. And one pair is in TAN! (OMG, I hear in the background, She's wearing TAN boots, only COACHES can wear tan, it's like a PSA RULE OR SOMETHING ISN'T IT!) 

LOL!
people will be people.
There will always be the ones who believe that the gear will buy success.
Some will be jealous that the fruit of their loins won't be as successful as the kid with the scrappy gear.

There will be those who are frugal, by choice or necessity. Some will happily be so, many will look at the more spend happy people and wonder why (or how*).

In the end, it's live and let live. Hopefully the more ambitious parents won't take out a hit one the more successful kid and her parents...

* back in the day my cousin was competing with our old mares, that had done their time on the track. She got beaten by a girl with a fancier horse and complained to her dad about that.
He asks her "what is it you rather want: a not so fancy horse and a dad who pays his bills, or a fancy horse like that and a dead beat for a dad?"

I think the tone of the 'rail birds' (Is board birds a term?) when they observe the OP's child relevant, if they are kind or ride in on a broom.
In any case, kindness is the best way to approach them. It's a judged sport after all!

[DressmakingMomma]

Just trying to give another perspective for kids who appear to be frivolously spoiled but may not be. What you see isn't always what you get.

Does it really matter - I think so. It affects my kid when their kids hear their parents talking smack about my family and then she has to hear it on the ice. That is the thing about these kinds of forums, you get to speak out your mind with a sharing of perspectives and ideas in a way that often doesn't take place out in the real world. It gives us an opportunity to to see something in a new light and maybe change the way we behave. And that can only be a good thing. 

[jlspink22]

People can do whatever they want with their money, however it is funny that the same mother who just B*&%ched out the coach two weeks ago dropped her kid off late with brand new (over-booted) skates this past week.


Anyways, yes when you have children and other people start talking about them loud enough to hear, it sort of does become your business whether you act on it or not (which is why I posted here and walked out saying nothing). Has it come to gear chat, no - but I was going to offer (Free) the one mom DD's outgrown skates (kid was smaller than DD) if she wanted to save some cash but have better ones than rentals but now I know I'll just keep my mouth shut.

[jlspink22]

I also wanted to add that a friend (not here on Facebook) told me that - when she was young - the other wealthier parents would charter private planes for her synchro teams competitions and she wouldn't always be able to go because her parent's couldn't pay their fair share. I hope I don't run into that but I would hope I could lament over it, should it ever happen.