First competition for my kids

twinskaters · July 14, 2014, 10:04:28 AM

It's in early August. I just completed their registration, and I'm really excited for them! But also really anxious. Not so much having to do with the skating, but having to do with the aftermath. As much as their coach and I are stressing the "this is all for fun, work hard and skate your best and you're a winner" aspect of it, the fact is they're extremely close but also very competitive with each other to begin with, and they're competing at the same level. So one of them is clearly going to place higher than her sister, and even if they both skate beautifully, there's just no getting around that. $:-\$

I wonder how Gracie and Carly's mother handled it. They all seem to have survived!

AgnesNitt · July 14, 2014, 03:41:23 PM

Well, sit them down now and say, "No matter who wins, one of you will get a better score than the other. How do you want to handle it?"

Then after they've talked about it, role-play them through congratulating the other for skating well and getting a good score, then teach them how to diss the judges. The last part isn't fair, but everyone does it

sarahspins · July 14, 2014, 11:59:27 PM

If the competition is large enough they might end up in separate groups... Which could be good, or it could be worse than if they competed against each other.

FigureSpins · July 15, 2014, 09:05:59 AM

My twins used to compete against one another and they were always good sports. The after-competition trip to a restaurant in full glamour was usually more important than their podium spot. I did lecture them beforehand about good sportsmanship, winning and losing gracefully. I've had other parents remark on their kindness towards competitors, so I guess they listened or they are innately good sports.

Their first few competitions were at a small event run by one of my skating friends. The LOC set the lower-level or younger-skater group sizes so that every skater went home with a medal. That went a long way towards easing hard feelings all around. In my DDs' cases, she also put them in different groups against other kids when possible. I didn't ask her to do this, she just has her act together as a smart Skating Director.

As a coach, I've found that kids who enter 2-3 events at the same competition have fewer meltdowns than those who are only in one event. I think that they pressure themselves less to "win. win. win" in the first event because they have the second one to look forward to, and so forth. Just an idea. I wouldn't do it for the first competition.

lutefisk · July 15, 2014, 10:28:26 AM

"LOC" = Lord of Chaos?

TreSk8sAZ · July 15, 2014, 11:52:54 AM

Quote from: lutefisk on July 15, 2014, 10:28:26 AM
"LOC" = Lord of Chaos?

Ha, close enough! LOC = Local Organizing Committee (in other words, the people hopefully controlling the chaos and running the competition!)

twinskaters · July 15, 2014, 08:16:06 PM

I love Lord of Chaos as a job title!

Thanks for sharing your experience with your twins, FigureSpins! It would be great if there are enough competitors that they are in different groups. I didn't even think of that possibility. That would make a big difference, I'm sure! I really have not much idea of what to expect. We went to a competition at this rink when they were 4, to watch a friend, but they weren't skating at the time so I can't sayi absorbed much.

We have talked many times about competing against each other, and they say they're all cool with it. But they're 8, and though they're incredibly close and can be so caring and kind to one another, each them is always very cognizant of how she has been "wronged" by her sister. So I'm anxious! Will definitely plan some celebratory meal for afterwards. I can't believe I didn't think of that before! Flowers, too, I suppose?

fsk8r · July 16, 2014, 03:07:43 AM

It seems most first time competitors get a present from their parents. Perhaps you can get each of them to buy a flower for her sister to throw on the ice (if that's allowed)?

And while it might be difficult for them if this is the first time they might be competing against each other, it's a good life lesson. One might end up with better exam results than the other, etc.

lutefisk · July 16, 2014, 09:08:54 AM

Quote from: TreSk8sAZ on July 15, 2014, 11:52:54 AM
Ha, close enough! LOC = Local Organizing Committee (in other words, the people hopefully controlling the chaos and running the competition!)

Thanks for the clarification! Abbreviations tend to get my over-active imagination going...

AgnesNitt · July 16, 2014, 06:38:59 PM

Can we add a post rank of "Lord of Chaos"? Preferably one of the high ones so new joiners don't get offended?

twinskaters · July 16, 2014, 06:49:19 PM

I will become a posting FIEND just to get that rank!

I am loving the idea of giving each other flowers, either thrown onto the ice or just handed. I can get my husband to talk to one about it "secretly" while I talk to the other, so it retains a little semblance of surprise!

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Doubletoe · July 16, 2014, 11:12:45 PM

Nice idea to have the twins throw something on the ice for each other. Just make sure it is NOT flowers (unless they are completely wrapped so that no leaves or petals can fall off onto the ice). Beanie Babies or other stuffed animals are customary these days.

fsk8r · July 17, 2014, 12:36:54 AM

Quote from: Doubletoe on July 16, 2014, 11:12:45 PM
Nice idea to have the twins throw something on the ice for each other. Just make sure it is NOT flowers (unless they are completely wrapped so that no leaves or petals can fall off onto the ice). Beanie Babies or other stuffed animals are customary these days.

We do plastic flowers in the UK and they're completely wrapped. I quite like it as they're quite pretty at home and make a little display. And most of the time I can remember where they all come from. My synchro team makes sure every skater takes one home which is lovely because we can't all take home medals.

lutefisk · July 17, 2014, 01:07:26 PM

Quote from: AgnesNitt on July 16, 2014, 06:38:59 PM
Can we add a post rank of "Lord of Chaos"? Preferably one of the high ones so new joiners don't get offended?

Perhaps with an accompanying Lady of Chaos. Although as I think about it, that might be overkill. My mother once ran a small rural post office and always demanded the title of Postmaster. There was no way she was going to let any of her customers get away with referring to her as the village "Postmistress".

twinskaters · July 17, 2014, 03:20:53 PM

I will definitely check with their coach about what to throw (or whether to just wait until they get off the ice), since he knows the lay of the land around here. I would definitely rather do fully-wrapped flowers than beanies. These kids have so many stuffed animals they could open several zoos!

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karne · July 18, 2014, 08:48:09 AM

We sell fake flowers at our competitions at the fundraising table, which people can buy and toss on the ice. I have mine in a little collection on top of my bookcase, mostly given by other skaters.

But honestly...they have to learn to lose. They have to learn what disappointment is. They have to learn that not everything in life will go their way. By sugar-coating it, pampering, coddling too much, you're only hurting them later. One of them will have to lose to the other if they are in the same division. Don't try to avoid it, or worse, make the one who won feel bad for winning or feel like their achievement is not appreciated.

icedancer · July 18, 2014, 03:19:20 PM

Depending on the competition they may actually be able to be tied!!

I had this happen once in a basic skills competition with two brothers competing against one another (not sure if they were twins or not). They skated exactly the same and the judges tied them.

You never know how it might turn out!

twinskaters · July 18, 2014, 06:23:50 PM

Quote from: karne on July 18, 2014, 08:48:09 AM
We sell fake flowers at our competitions at the fundraising table, which people can buy and toss on the ice. I have mine in a little collection on top of my bookcase, mostly given by other skaters.

But honestly...they have to learn to lose. They have to learn what disappointment is. They have to learn that not everything in life will go their way. By sugar-coating it, pampering, coddling too much, you're only hurting them later. One of them will have to lose to the other if they are in the same division. Don't try to avoid it, or worse, make the one who won feel bad for winning or feel like their achievement is not appreciated.

I really do get that, I promise. They're not particularly coddled or pampered, but they *are* particularly competitive with one another. This is going to be the first time they're going to be faced with being judged at skating in general, and against each other to boot. I think it's natural to feel a little nervous about it as their mom and want to make the experience as positive as it can be. Because no matter how many flowers or stuffed animals or ice cream cones they get, they're going to learn about winning and losing, and they're going to have to sort it out in their own minds.

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fsk8r · July 19, 2014, 12:40:37 AM

Quote from: twinskaters on July 18, 2014, 06:23:50 PM
I really do get that, I promise. They're not particularly coddled or pampered, but they *are* particularly competitive with one another. This is going to be the first time they're going to be faced with being judged at skating in general, and against each other to boot. I think it's natural to feel a little nervous about it as their mom and want to make the experience as positive as it can be. Because no matter how many flowers or stuffed animals or ice cream cones they get, they're going to learn about winning and losing, and they're going to have to sort it out in their own minds.

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Personally I think it's great you're asking for advice in advance and recognising the potential situation. I think most of us are recognising that you want to bring up children who are able to be good sportsmen whether they win or lose and are just looking for thoughts on how to do this.

twinskaters · July 19, 2014, 09:05:30 AM

Quote from: fsk8r on July 19, 2014, 12:40:37 AM

Personally I think it's great you're asking for advice in advance and recognising the potential situation. I think most of us are recognising that you want to bring up children who are able to be good sportsmen whether they win or lose and are just looking for thoughts on how to do this.

Thank you! :-) I definitely don't want to go overboard trying to insulate them from reality, because that does no good in the long term. They're not always good sports with each other about things like board games, video games, so it concerns me. They've always managed with both skating and swimming (their other favorite sport) to advance at the same pace, so it really hasn't come up before. They are absolutely lovely when dealing with competition with friends and classmates. It's just with each other that it gets into crazytown!

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twinskaters · July 26, 2014, 08:49:29 PM

Got the schedule yesterday and they are competing in different groups. Hooray! Eventually they'll certainly have to deal, but first time out of the gate this is nice. :-)

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littlerain · July 26, 2014, 09:39:18 PM

hooray! Can't wait to see how they do!

icedancer · July 28, 2014, 01:37:56 PM

Quote from: twinskaters on July 26, 2014, 08:49:29 PM
Got the schedule yesterday and they are competing in different groups. Hooray! Eventually they'll certainly have to deal, but first time out of the gate this is nice. :-)

That's great. Something tells me the organizers did this on purpose!

lutefisk · July 28, 2014, 02:47:36 PM

Here's hoping that they both do well.

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First competition for my kids