Hard decisions....

skatingmum2 · April 15, 2013, 11:22:11 AM

My son until recently loved skating. Had injury - coach (Russian, sometimes harsh) initially dismissed it as laziness and reacted with anger towards him. Injury treated, time off ice and returned to skating less than 2 weeks ago. Quite anxious and many tummy aches on the ice. When I ask him he says he really wants to skate but wants coaches to be nice to him and has lost confidence. Also getting upset with himself because struggling with camel spins and jumps which he managed pre-injury.
Wondering whether to push quitting with him.... Alternative coaches not particularly an option and the Russians don't tend to listen to parents.

Skittl1321 · April 15, 2013, 11:58:07 AM

I would not continue with this coach, the coaching style clearly does not work for your son if it is making him ill and stressed. If other coaches are not an option, maybe it is time to look for something else? After some time off, he might find he really misses it, and that it is worth putting up with the coach, or he might find something else he is great at. What are his goals with skating? Could he continue skating for fun without a coach?

Is there another rink you could go to that does have suitable coaching options? Many skaters in this area drive a signifigant distance to their coaches.

fsk8r · April 15, 2013, 12:12:07 PM

Russian coaches might not listen to parents, but they do want the best for their skaters.
Is the coach currently pushing your son to do things as they were before, or is that your son pushing himself? I can appreciate the anxiety your son has towards seeing his coach if he's upset that the coach has been angry with him when he was injured, but perhaps a discussion is needed to help your son get over this bump in the road. He's only been skating again 2 weeks, and if he's had a significant break from skating his skills will be rusty and it's hard to trust doing things which previously felt different because of the injury.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

4711 · April 15, 2013, 09:32:53 PM

How old is the kid, how long was he side lined?

Depending on the severity and duration he might have lost some muscle tone, etc...

I am not commenting on Russian coaches, I think I have yet to run across a Russian, coach or other

But I can give you one tool: Bach's Flower remedies, especially 'Rescue Remedy'
While I am solidly torn between reason and myth, I have tried that stuff myself, after reading about it from dog rescuers, horse people and even gardeners: you put that stuff under your tongue it works right then and takes the edge of anxiety! (even with an alcohol content of 70%, with 4 drops, I don't think you can do any damage!)

Of course as parent, we are always doing the high wire act: When is the kid BSing us, when do we have to switch to Momma Bear mode and advocate for them....

I think since he wants to skate, you should find a way to deal with the problems and not make him quit just yet...

On the other hand, you could find something else for him to do for the summer, then see where he is when the season starts back up....
But I find it impressive that he is willing to endure the anxiety to skate. Nothing I see at my house.....

skatingmum2 · April 16, 2013, 01:07:08 PM

Hi
The guy has a reputation for ignoring injuries although when confronted with evidence eventually accepts it. He was off for about 6 weeks and definitely lost muscle and core stability. This guy is interested in getting the best out of the kids but pushes them quite hard - normally my son takes it (with a smile and a bit of cheek back to the man) - this time his reactions have been different.

We will be having a lot more chats about things and what he wants. He isn't the worlds best jumper but is a real performer and knows how to wow judges even with a bad skate.....

fsk8r · April 17, 2013, 03:00:38 AM

Quote from: skatingmum2 on April 16, 2013, 01:07:08 PM
We will be having a lot more chats about things and what he wants. He isn't the worlds best jumper but is a real performer and knows how to wow judges even with a bad skate.....

Would he make a good dancer? I know one girl who wasn't the world's best jumper and made the switch and has now been to Europeans as a dancer. (Just putting a thought out there).

Good luck with the discussions. Whatever gets decided, it'll be for the best.

fortune8 · April 17, 2013, 05:34:15 AM

On behalf of all the little girls who'd love to ice dance - is that an option in your area? Maybe staying on ice in a different form would build some confidence while retaining some ice skills.

sampaguita · April 17, 2013, 07:19:51 AM

Just to be fair to Russians -- I had a Russian coach once and she was really nice.

Back to the original topic, I myself would not want a coach who belittles injuries. If another coach is not an option, is there another rink? If not, I really think this has to be between you and the coach. Maybe if you are more assertive, the coach will listen to YOU (and he might even post in another forum somewhere that Canadian parents don't listen to coaches :p).

If your child really wants to skate, and there is no other option but to go to this coach, then I think that you will really have to stand up to the coach and show him who is the one to be followed. Otherwise, maybe a healthy, temporary break from skating is a good thing. If your child really likes skating, he will miss it and will be back to the ice soon -- maybe even put up with the coach.

Sk8tmum · April 18, 2013, 01:57:46 PM

It's not just Russians! Anyways. We have a similar coach (not Russian BTW) - and I do have a boy. We had similar problems with injuries. So, I stepped back and put on my teacher's hat and tried to figure out why the skepticism was there - then I remembered the numbers of my studen'ts parents I run into that make excuses/make up injuries/make up issues to protect their kids. So, I started thinking about that ... and realized that my coach had probably run into many skaters with parents who overplay injuries or make excuses for the kid. Plus, I also started realizing what I value about my coach was that she pushes my boy to work hard which is a good lesson. And, I also realized that I shouldn't be relying on my coach to have the type of knowledge a medical specialist would have in staging back to competiitve state.

So, I involve our physio and/or doctor. They outline the injury, the recovery issues, and the limitations. They've even with my permission called hte coach to discuss the situation. Which makes the return to skating safer. Taking this approach means that everyone knows what is going on, what can and can't be done, and it's all dispassionate and effective. This has dropped the problem to nil, and it also means that I know when my boy is being less than effective (i.e. when I have to be protective vs when I have to acknowledge that I have a boy who is a boy and sometimes likes to avoid work

)

sampaguita · April 18, 2013, 08:06:06 PM

Quote from: Sk8tmum on April 18, 2013, 01:57:46 PM
So, I involve our physio and/or doctor. They outline the injury, the recovery issues, and the limitations. They've even with my permission called hte coach to discuss the situation. Which makes the return to skating safer. Taking this approach means that everyone knows what is going on, what can and can't be done, and it's all dispassionate and effective. This has dropped the problem to nil, and it also means that I know when my boy is being less than effective (i.e. when I have to be protective vs when I have to acknowledge that I have a boy who is a boy and sometimes likes to avoid work )

Yay!!!! This is great!

skatingmum2 · April 25, 2013, 04:10:43 PM

Physio did a report. She will do another as well with predictions to fitness. It was probably six weeks off all in all and he has now skated 4 times. Son has returned to skating - endured some sarcasm and a fairly pushed introduction back but says he wants to do it. He tells me at the moment he wants to me to be at the rink (watching although he is fine with me reading a book) while he skates.... So - not confident yet. He is rusty - landing on his butt on a lot of sit spins and the camels are no where near where they used to be. Landing axels but then falling over....Still he wants to continue and says he "feels good inside."

Maybe he is tougher than I think he is. (PS he is 10)

4711 · April 25, 2013, 10:26:59 PM

It's tougher to reach a level you previously had again than to get there the first time.

I always thought that the lumps in the road teach us more than the smooth stretches.

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Hard decisions....