Coach Problems

[RosiePosie.iskates]

Well, today makes the 5th time in a row in the past 3 weeks that my coach has cancelled on me. She keeps promising that she'll do lessons during the week with me. But, something always seems to come up, like, 5 mins before I get to the rink, she'll text me and say that she can't. Or, she'll tell me that she'll text me about lessons during the week, and never does. I have a lesson with my sister on the weekends, and she works with us both. But lately, she's been telling me to just go practice by myself during our lessons, and that she wants to work with my sister, since I have an extra lesson during the week. Which is fine with me, but it's just that she never shows up during the week! So I've had no lesson time for the past 3 weeks, and what little I get on the weekend, is just her talking to me about how she promises that we'll do a lesson during the week. (which she always cancels) What's hard though, is when I do talk to her, she acts like nothing happened, and that she forgets how she's cancelled on me for the millionth time in a row. My parents think I should talk to her about it, what do you think? I don't know what I should do...

[jjane45]

Sigh, I feel your pain. Is it an early morning lesson? I know it's hard and what I learned from cancellations / lateness is texting the coach 3 days prior to confirm the lesson, and the evening before to remind. I even asked what time should I place the morning call on the day of lesson, lol. Never had to actually do it, but had it continued to be a problem, I'm thick skinned enough to push.

[hopskipjump]

Will your parents let you have a different coach from your sister?  Or an additional coach (one you meet with your sister for comps and a jump spin specialist for example)?

[RosiePosie.iskates]

Is it an early morning lesson? I know it's hard and what I learned from cancellations / lateness is texting the coach 3 days prior to confirm the lesson, and the evening before to remind. I even asked what time should I place the morning call on the day of lesson, lol. Never had to actually do it, but had it continued to be a problem, I'm thick skinned enough to push.

No, It's an afternoon lesson. I have tried texting her 2 days in advance, and the morning of the day of the lesson. She's always on board with the plan until almost 2 hours before the lesson. 

Will your parents let you have a different coach from your sister?  Or an additional coach (one you meet with your sister for comps and a jump spin specialist for example)?

My parents are frustrated, but, they won't let me have a seperate coach. They just keep hoping that she'll stop cancelling, and not giving me lesson time. We haven't spoke to her about it, but, I'm begining to think that we should maybe...?

[AgnesNitt]

Well, today makes the 5th time in a row in the past 3 weeks that my coach has cancelled on me. She keeps promising that she'll do lessons during the week with me. But, something always seems to come up, like, 5 mins before I get to the rink, she'll text me and say that she can't. Or, she'll tell me that she'll text me about lessons during the week, and never does. I have a lesson with my sister on the weekends, and she works with us both. But lately, she's been telling me to just go practice by myself during our lessons, and that she wants to work with my sister, since I have an extra lesson during the week. Which is fine with me, but it's just that she never shows up during the week! So I've had no lesson time for the past 3 weeks, and what little I get on the weekend, is just her talking to me about how she promises that we'll do a lesson during the week. (which she always cancels) What's hard though, is when I do talk to her, she acts like nothing happened, and that she forgets how she's cancelled on me for the millionth time in a row. My parents think I should talk to her about it, what do you think? I don't know what I should do...

Are your parents paying? Then they should talk to her.

Keep a written record of lessons scheduled and the time you're notified that it's cancelled. Since you sound like you're a teenager ('a millionth time in a row' is not what a mature adult would say) you hand this to your parent and say, "I'm not satisfied with my coach's attendance at lessons. Here is a record of last minute cancellations. I need a coach that will be prompt and professional." and you let the person paying the bills handle the matter. You need the written record as documentation. This is what is called 'contemporaneous record'. It keeps the coach from saying, 'Oh, she's exagerating'. (remember 'the millionth time' comment? that's exaggeration. Don't use that expression in professional discussions.) How your parents handle it is up to them.

If you're serious about leaving a coach don't whine or exaggerated. Present your case like you're an adult, such as by using documentation. That will motivate your parents.

(edited to remove the discussion of the grown up approach)
There are 3 things that would make me quit a coach; this is one of them.

[RosiePosie.iskates]

Are your parents paying? Then they should talk to her.

No, I pay for my lessons on the weekdays, and my parents pay for the shared lesson on the weekend. I agree that I should approach her seriously, and not casually, like a sister or something. But when I do try to talk to her, she just doesn't seem like she really wants to talk face-to-face and seriously. She talks to me like a classmate or close friend, (which I appreciate and all, just not when I want to be serious and discuss something important) and not really as professionally and as focused as I'd like her to. I want her to know that I value our lessons, and her punctuality, but it seems to me like she wants to talk to me like a sister, more than as my coach. 

[VAsk8r]

Five times in a row in three weeks is over the top, unless she's got some special circumstances going on (which doesn't seem to be the case if she's there at other times). I'd be livid. You say she talks to you like a friend -- it sounds to me like she views her lessons as favors to friends and not something that's part of her job. For comparison's sake, if I'd called my boss five minutes before I was supposed to be at work for the past five days and said I wasn't going to make it in, he'd certainly be initiating a serious conversation.

I would put some thought into other times that you can do lessons, in case your coach responds that the timing is the issue, although that's still not a good excuse. I'd also write down all the times recently when she cancelled on you. Then, the next time she begins chatting with you, chat politely and then say, "Hey, you've canceled our lessons five times in a row. We haven't had a lesson in a few weeks. What's going on?" Or, if she comes up to you and asks about a lesson, remind her that she's already canceled several times.

If her response doesn't make you feel better, or if she keeps canceling, I think you should talk to your parents again about finding another coach. It's your money and you've got a valid argument.

[RosiePosie.iskates]

You say she talks to you like a friend -- it sounds to me like she views her lessons as favors to friends and not something that's part of her job.

Exactly what it feels like sometimes. I've given her the option of Mon-Friday anytime, any rink. I'm homeschooled, so I can be at the rink anytime she wants. And I would rearrange my schedule to show up for a lesson if it meant that she wouldn't cancel on me.  She cancelled on me Wednesday this week, and rescheduled for Friday. I'm in the car 5 minutes from the rink and she says she has to cancel again. She was actually at the rink earlier, but said she had to go home for some reason. She waved at my Grandma when she was pulling out of the Rink Parking lot.

[AgnesNitt]

No, I pay for my lessons on the weekdays, and my parents pay for the shared lesson on the weekend. I agree that I should approach her seriously, and not casually, like a sister or something. But when I do try to talk to her, she just doesn't seem like she really wants to talk face-to-face and seriously. She talks to me like a classmate or close friend, (which I appreciate and all, just not when I want to be serious and discuss something important) and not really as professionally and as focused as I'd like her to. I want her to know that I value our lessons, and her punctuality, but it seems to me like she wants to talk to me like a sister, more than as my coach. 

Okay, there's a couple of ways to take this.

Let's say she has a genuine affection for you. My previous advice still stands about recording the issue. You could present it to her with a non=threatening approach like, "I appreciate all the little kindnesses you've shown me, but look at my notes, we're not doing lessons. I really need coaching. I'm showing up, but I'm not improving without your coaching . If we can't work out a schedule I need to find a coach who can be there for me." but of course you'll need to work with your parents if you decide to take this approach.

Or you could (sadly) consider that she really isn't interested in coaching you, but just coaching your sister. This may be painful for you if you come to that decision, and something that you should talk to an adult about because this can be an emotional minefield. Your parents would be the first choice. If  your parents  want to keep you with the coach because of your sister, you need to maturely document that you aren't actually getting any coaching, but that your parents are actually paying the coach who's stopped coaching you.  This is known as 'scamming the customer' in any business. It's certainly unethical. If the coach only wants to coach your sister, she should certainly have discussed it with your parents (who are paying) rather than accept you as part off the lesson, but not give you any coachl
You'll find that if you can document to your parents that they're wasting their money, they may be more motivated. Adults are motivated by money. It's something they can count. 

You are entering dangerous territory here. Do not talk this over with other skaters or coaches. Be very circumspect. Only discuss this with your parents.

[RosiePosie.iskates]

Okay, there's a couple of ways to take this.
You'll find that if you can document to your parents that they're wasting their money, they may be more motivated.

My parents have been complaining about wasting their money on my coach for the last 2 weeks, and I agree. I took your advice and have started to write down all the past, (and sadly perhaps future) times that she's cancelled.
We have a lesson tomorrow, and if she shows up, my mom definitely wants to talk about it with her and me. Let's just hope, she'll take it seriously coming from my mom too, and not just me. 

Thanks for all the advice guys! Much appreciated.

[skatingmum2]

My daughter has something similar - generally a regular time/place lesson which suddenly started being cancelled. I approached the coachon a few occasions  who said she was tired with a sore back and "next week there will definatly be a lesson" ....but - noted new skaters being taken on by her etc.  and still feel we haven't had honesty.

Having not been able to achieve an honest discussion with her I have decided to assume the lesson is no longer on unless contacted and also decided not to book any further lessons unless she approaches me! Luckily we have always had a second coach (much younger and less experienced but more reliable) and have asked her to increase lesson numbers! (Coach 1 is Russian - not sure if cultural differences with these sort of things).

[sarahspins]

Definitely talk to your coach about this - it may be that she knows you have a very flexible schedule so she's taking advantage of it, without truly realizing how much of an impact that's really having.. I would bet that she thinks bailing on your lessons is only a once in a while thing, not the every week thing that it's become.  A once in a while reschedule is fine - there are always things out of control, like traffic, injury, illness, etc, but it's clearly become a pattern now.

If she's leaving the rink and having to return later for your lesson, then maybe suggest a different time (earlier) if that works better.  If she truly doesn't have the time in her schedule for whatever reason, then it may be time to consider adding in a second coach or changing coaches, but before investigating either of those options you need to have a talk with your coach.

I'm a little confused on the money exchange though - your parents are paying for some of your lessons (as well as for your sister) and you're paying for the rest?  Are lessons being paid for in advance or as you have them?  With very few exceptions I always pay my coach when I have a lesson or after (because sometimes I forget to pay her before she leaves) mostly to avoid the "not getting my lesson time" issue because I ran into that with a previous coach, I'd pay for 30 minutes and then only get about 20, and it was nearly impossible to get her to make up that time.

Is your sister experiencing any scheduling issues too?  If it's happening to both of you (I know you mentioned your sister is getting some of "your" lesson time, but that might be to make up for lesson time of her own that was missed) then it may be time to talk to the skating director at the rink.

[RosiePosie.iskates]

My daughter has something similar - generally a regular time/place lesson which suddenly started being cancelled. I approached the coachon a few occasions  who said she was tired with a sore back and "next week there will definatly be a lesson" ....but - noted new skaters being taken on by her etc.  and still feel we haven't had honesty.

This is exactly it. My coach bailed on me again yesterday, we rescheduled for tomorrow, let's hope it works out!

I'm a little confused on the money exchange though - your parents are paying for some of your lessons (as well as for your sister) and you're paying for the rest?  Are lessons being paid for in advance or as you have them?  With very few exceptions I always pay my coach when I have a lesson or after (because sometimes I forget to pay her before she leaves) mostly to avoid the "not getting my lesson time" issue because I ran into that with a previous coach, I'd pay for 30 minutes and then only get about 20, and it was nearly impossible to get her to make up that time.

Is your sister experiencing any scheduling issues too?  If it's happening to both of you (I know you mentioned your sister is getting some of "your" lesson time, but that might be to make up for lesson time of her own that was missed) then it may be time to talk to the skating director at the rink.

My parents pay for the lesson that my sister and I split on the weekends. It's usually 15 mins for my sister, 15 mins for me, but lately it's been 25 for my sister, 5 for me.
I pay for the lessons during the week. It's only me on the weekdays, my sister isn't homeschooled. My coach always shows up on the weekends, but not the weekdays.
I pay my coach after every lesson, I can't afford to pay for them in advance each month, because I don't have a job. (parent's rules) I sell things online and at 2nd hand stores to pay for it. 

[sarahspins]

Well, the first is a situation where I really think that you need to talk to your parents and your sister in addition to your coach.  It may be that your coach feels like she needs to "make up" time with your sister because you have another lesson planned later in the week... when in reality, because she's bailing on you, you're really getting shorted.  The second issue is more of a scheduling problem, but the first one doesn't seem like it.

If your parent's intent is to pay for one 15 minute lesson for you and one 15 minute lesson with your sister, then they need to be part of the conversation with your coach so it can be crystal clear just what they are paying for, that it's not "one thirty minute lesson split between two kids", it's two 15 minute lessons, and it's not up to the coach to go over that time or switch it around when she does - that if she goes over time with your sister, that's the coaches fault and she shouldn't expect to be paid extra for it, and that you are still owed your full 15 minutes because that is what was agreed upon and paid for (my coach doesn't charge if we go over our lesson time - as she put it once, it's not fair to expect me to pay extra when she's the one responsible for keeping track of time, and if we agreed on 30 minutes, that's all I pay for).

[sampaguita]

My parents pay for the lesson that my sister and I split on the weekends. It's usually 15 mins for my sister, 15 mins for me, but lately it's been 25 for my sister, 5 for me.

Sorry for being blunt, but I think your coach is not interested in coaching you. How can a 5-minute lesson be helpful? Any coach should know better.

As an adult who pays for her own lessons, I would definitely change coaches if I were you, but I would explain to the coach first why.

(Coach 1 is Russian - not sure if cultural differences with these sort of things).

My group lesson coach was Russian -- she was very professional with all of her students in private lessons. Definitely not a cultural difference issue.

[icefrog]

I would talk to your parents about splitting the lesson time in half and looking for new coaches for you and possibly your sister. That is not something I would put up with.

[isakswings]

No, I pay for my lessons on the weekdays, and my parents pay for the shared lesson on the weekend. I agree that I should approach her seriously, and not casually, like a sister or something. But when I do try to talk to her, she just doesn't seem like she really wants to talk face-to-face and seriously. She talks to me like a classmate or close friend, (which I appreciate and all, just not when I want to be serious and discuss something important) and not really as professionally and as focused as I'd like her to. I want her to know that I value our lessons, and her punctuality, but it seems to me like she wants to talk to me like a sister, more than as my coach. 

I haven't read all of the other replies, so forgive me if this has been addressed already. If you are paying for the your week day lessons, why can't you gave a different coach for those lessons? I can understand your parents having more of a say of her your coach is when they pay for the combined lesson, but if you are paying for the other lessons, why won't they let you choose your own coach?

[Rachelsk8s]

Five times in a row in three weeks is over the top, unless she's got some special circumstances going on (which doesn't seem to be the case if she's there at other times). I'd be livid. You say she talks to you like a friend -- it sounds to me like she views her lessons as favors to friends and not something that's part of her job. For comparison's sake, if I'd called my boss five minutes before I was supposed to be at work for the past five days and said I wasn't going to make it in, he'd certainly be initiating a serious conversation.

I agree with you on this VAskr; looking at the situation as you had pointed out makes a very valid argument!!  My coach coaches full time, its her profession.  I coach part time, its more of a way to pay for my skating.  However, its still a job and I know if I were to do similar actions, I probably wouldn't be coaching at the rink in which I do, unless it was a very serious situation related to family or medical reasons.  Its a frustrating call, there have been times when my coach has cancelled on me right before I've arrived at the rink, I've been fortunate however that it rarely happens and its usually been a serious situation.  I hope that everything worked out for you the other day RosiePosie.iskates; I feel badly as you seem to be very dedicated to the sport and to earn your own money to pay for it is impressive

[RosiePosie.iskates]

I haven't read all of the other replies, so forgive me if this has been addressed already. If you are paying for the your week day lessons, why can't you gave a different coach for those lessons? I can understand your parents having more of a say of her your coach is when they pay for the combined lesson, but if you are paying for the other lessons, why won't they let you choose your own coach?

I have no clue why they don't allow me to choose my own coach.  They just seem to stick with my current one, but we are considering switching now! We're looking into other ones, so, now the door is open! 

Good news! My coach was actually there for me on Friday! We have another lesson scheduled for Wednesday, Friday, and then again on Saturday. I know they're a little close together, but I let her schedule them this time, hopefully it works out!

I hope that everything worked out for you the other day RosiePosie.iskates; I feel badly as you seem to be very dedicated to the sport and to earn your own money to pay for it is impressive

Thank you!  My coach knows that I pay for my own skating, and has even offered to help me out financially once in a while! She's even given me stuff to sell for money that I can use on skating. I find this quite thoughtful of her.  But if she keeps cancelling, I'm still going to have to switch coaches regardless of this, because money can't buy the knowledge  lessons can. 

[funlul]

I have a similar problem, frequent no shows + no word afterwards. I do my best to confirm the private lesson in person AND text / call, but so far half of my lessons turned out to be no show. The lesson time is convenient and I am flexible to move to a different time slot if needed, but still, no show, no words.

I would understand if there were emergencies, but in this case the coach simply does not remember that my lesson was missed and won't reply to follow up texts. It's frustrating enough for me to consider a coaching change.

[Isk8NYC]

Welcome to skatingforums!

[VAsk8r]

I have a similar problem, frequent no shows + no word afterwards. I do my best to confirm the private lesson in person AND text / call, but so far half of my lessons turned out to be no show. The lesson time is convenient and I am flexible to move to a different time slot if needed, but still, no show, no words.

I would understand if there were emergencies, but in this case the coach simply does not remember that my lesson was missed and won't reply to follow up texts. It's frustrating enough for me to consider a coaching change.

Wow, I can't believe some of the experiences people have! Evidently I'm very fortunate to have a coach who keeps my lesson at a consistent time and almost never cancels. Other skaters at my rink seem to have their lessons on a different time/day every week. That would drive me batty, especially when I've got a comp or test coming up.

My coach understands I am type A when it comes to skating. 

I am astonished that people who call themselves coaches would simply not show up and then not respond to texts or calls.

[RosiePosie.iskates]

Well, I had a test session last Sunday (preliminary moves and pre-pre FS Passed!) and my coach was there! She's gone 4 lessons in a row without cancelling so far! Lets hope it stays this way! because she really is a good coach besides her punctuality issues. Thank you for all your advice!