homework and skating

[falen]

Ok

Who does at least some of thier kid's homework so they can skate/ play soccer/dance/ whatever?

[learning_as_i_go]

Honestly, never.  They know they have to manage their time and get their homework done during what little time they have or we'll have to rethink the after school activities.  They also know if they rush it (in a way of it being messy or silly mistakes) I will make them redo it.

(Hope you don't mind a lurker answering  )

[hopskipjump]

You're kidding right?  I always tell my kids I already did 4th grade, I'm NOT doing it again. 

She knows what nights are crazy and she knows that in order to dance, skate, take piano, do art workshops, etc, that school work has to be done.  She is very good with time management - takes advantage of time in the car to do her reading (required 30 minutes a night), she also will do math first thing because that seems to be a little unreasonable with teacher expectations (she had 70 problems last night!).  Her math teacher also wants them on the computer for 20 minutes each night and I emailed and let her know that we are not home and she will do it if she can, but it cannot be 20 minutes daily.  The kid doesn't even watch TV let alone have time to do learning games online.  The expect 2 hours of homework each night.  It's not something I will commit to...when it is that much work I get mad and ask what was she doing for 7 hours in their classrooms.  Even I don't work a 9 hour day.  Luckily she finds the time.

[aussieskater]

Never.  The kids get to do extracurricular activities after the schoolwork is done.  If it's not done, or they're not keeping up, or they're too tired, something has to give, and for us it's the extracurricular stuff.  And yes, extracurricular activities have been curtailed when the child is not keeping pace.  ("You have 4 afterschool activities and are too tired to wake in the morning for school.  You may choose 2 of the activities to keep, and drop the other 2.")

Note we don't require the child to be top of the class or anything, and never have - but we do require that they have enough mental and physical energy to do their schoolwork and their homework to the best of their ability, and still do their share as a member of the family, rather than the family being their "support service" in terms of domestic stuff.

[Sk8tmum]

Absolutely never.  School is the most important aspect of their life (and their coach would be extremely p**ssed off it was any other way, frankly).  The only thing I do is purchase whatever random supplies that they need for whatever project, will drive to libraries, and will print it out at the end.

We do expect them to be at the top of the class, as that is what they are intellectually capable of, and what they will need to reach the academic goals they have in terms of post-secondary.  So far, so good. 

Having to figure out how to juggle school and skating has certainly helped them to learn to prioritize, organize, and self-manage.  They also get in far less trouble than other kids their age as they are focussed on their skating and academic goals, and have a ready-made excuse to avoid house parties, video game parties, Facebook etc ... they also have to do chores, have outside interests, and get plenty of sleep. 

BTW: I'm a teacher. We know darn well when the parents have done the work, and we reflect that in our assessment of the kid's work.  Plus, if you've done their homework for them, then, the penalty to the kid is significant when the in-class assessment of their knowledge shows that they didn't learn what we needed them to learn in their homework assignments. I actually send very little home for homework; I'm not interested in what their parents can do, nor am I interested in what the single student who gets stuck doing homework for everyone knows

[skatingmum2]

Skating is the biggest motivator in our house to make sure homework is done. On one occasion (nearly 2 years ago) my daughter tested this - partly because her little brother would have been skating at the same time as she was and she thought she could get away with it. I found out (not sure how) - well - she came with us to the rink. Her brother skated. She sat in the corner completing her homework. The coach (group session) asked why she wasn't skating and I told her. She came and shouted at my daughter for not finishing her homework. That was the last time it ever happened.

I do expect good school marks and skating is the reward. I really, really dislike the sport - especially the time demands and the impact on family life so they have to do a good job on everything else if they are going to earn the priviledge of skating.

Last time my daughter had a private lesson with her ice dance coach he jokingly told me that she had worked so hard in the lesson she deserved a reward. My reply - "this lesson is her reward."

My 8 year old son is at one of the strictest all boys school in our district. At parents evening I was told he is doing very well except at organisation. Well - some tough conversations took place. A list of expectations got written - if these were not done he would not skate. Today they were all done by the end of the school day today - he got to skate.

[FigureSpins]

Never for activities, no. 

The only time I've ever helped is when my oldest DD typed and printed a four-page paper on our home computer, which went south just after she printed it.  When she went to pull it up, the files were corrupted.  I retyped the paper for her on my work computer and let her make the corrections/print.  (She was in fourth grade, still doing hunt-and-peck.  I type 70 wpm)

[phoenix]

I'm not a parent, but I am a coach. If I found out that one of my students' parents was doing their homework for them, so they would have time to skate, I would send them home from their lesson!!

And then would have a very serious discussion with the parents--school is top priority, period. I would not continue coaching someone under those circumstances.

[falen]

I agree, I did see some soccer moms doing homework...it made me wonder.

[sarahspins]

Help with homework, sure (my oldest often has trouble understanding directions, so he requires more supervision and intervention to correctly complete his homework than most kids his age).  Would I do work for them? Absolutely not!

My oldest spends a couple of hours at gymnastics twice a week and he doesn't have time to do any work before we have to leave after school, but he knows it has to get done after he gets home.  Sometimes that can mean a pretty late evening on gym days, but we make sure his work is done.

[nicklaszlo]

I do expect good school marks and skating is the reward. I really, really dislike the sport - especially the time demands and the impact on family life

Skating should be a family activity.  Have you tried that?

My 8 year old son is at one of the strictest all boys school in our district.

Your district has all boys schools?  Where?

[falen]

I was starting to feel like bad mom not doing at least some of it.   We were at friend's soccer match and in stands there were moms doing  worksheets.  Honestly I have not seen skate moms do it, but many hockey moms.

[JHarer]

I don't have kids, but my grandparents never did my homework for me. I had a full plate of extra curriculars and had to learn to manage my time.

[hopskipjump]

My sister in law's mother did the grand kid's homework.  Those kids all ended up barely passing high school and most live at home (or are teen moms).  She did them no favors at all.

[isakswings]

Ok

Who does at least some of thier kid's homework so they can skate/ play soccer/dance/ whatever?

I don't do that for extra curricular activities. Of coarse, in our situation it is a little easier since dd is doing home school. However, we do have a rule in place that she has to do her work or any and all activities end. That includes time with friends. Oh and we are not homeschooling because of skating... it was a decision we made for my oldest son and dd asked if she could do it also.

[tazsk8s]

Never.  The deal with daughter was always, school trumps skating, dance, social life, etc.  As long as she kept her grades up, she could do whatever activities she wanted.  The day I would have had to do a worksheet "for" her (not talking about assisting with a question here and there or clarifying something she didn't understand, but actually doing the work), would have been the day she hung up her skates and she knew it.

Oddly enough, she has *always* gotten the best grades when she has been the busiest.  At the peak of her skating (10 hours a week on ice, plus 2 hours of off-ice strength training and 3 of various ballet/tap/jazz dance classes) she was pulling straight A's and not breaking a sweat.  Post-skating...grades were only "okay" through high school.  She must have learned some major time management skills early though...she is now in her 2nd year of college, taking 20 credit hours (against parental advice, but we all know what Mom and Dad have to say doesn't count), involved in a couple of extra-curriculars, and as of midterms had nothing lower than an A- this semester.

[Skate@Delaware]

I have never done my kid's schoolwork so they could attend an extra-curricular activity. We have bailed on the activity instead. School has always been first. It has been painful a few times, but they learned the value of hard work, achievement, balancing schedules, and getting great grades.

[jumpingbeansmom]

Ok

Who does at least some of thier kid's homework so they can skate/ play soccer/dance/ whatever?

Never... I will assist in organizing herself, like suggest how she can use her time more wisely etc. and I will assist if she is stuck on something, but I have never done any of it.

[Skittl1321]

My mother used to always check my homework, and suggest revisions (well, until the math got too hard), but she would have never done that.  I find it absolutely appalling that it is such a norm that you feel bad for not doing it, falen.

[falen]

My mother used to always check my homework, and suggest revisions (well, until the math got too hard), but she would have never done that.  I find it absolutely appalling that it is such a norm that you feel bad for not doing it, falen.

Thanks really so much  (hug).  DD feels kind of bad that she has to do ALL the work while the other kids get "help".  I think I may cave with the typing of reports, especially when a mom gets them sent out to a service to type 

[Schmeck]

I'd tattle on the kids' moms for doing the homework!  I mean, really though - won't the penmanship be odd?

My daughter managed to juggle AP classes, math team, school newspaper, and synchro/moves/ice dance her junior year of high school.  Her GPA was so high there was no way anyone could reach her senior year.  I've found that kids that that are driven to succeed in sports can find a way to get it all done.  They know that they are special, and have to put 100% into what they do. 

[Sk8tmum]

Thanks really so much  (hug).  DD feels kind of bad that she has to do ALL the work while the other kids get "help".  I think I may cave with the typing of reports, especially when a mom gets them sent out to a service to type 

Actually, the typing of the reports is something that she should definitely do herself.  More and more schoolwork is keyed rather than handwritten (even in class work in some schools), and, students who have strong keyboarding skills are at a competitive advantage going forward in school.  If you can, get a basic typing tutor program for your home computer and encourage her to learn to key properly.  My daughter is able to complete her work very quickly as opposed to her peers who use hunt and peck. 

[Sk8tmum]

I'd tattle on the kids' moms for doing the homework!  I mean, really though - won't the penmanship be odd?

My daughter managed to juggle AP classes, math team, school newspaper, and synchro/moves/ice dance her junior year of high school.  Her GPA was so high there was no way anyone could reach her senior year.  I've found that kids that that are driven to succeed in sports can find a way to get it all done.  They know that they are special, and have to put 100% into what they do. 

Don't worry about tattling ... trust me ... the teacher KNOWS who does their own work and who doesn't ... and the ultimate retribution is when the kid does the work based on those "boring worksheets" and the marks are not exactly what they wanted ... 

The other side of the coin is that teachers, (most, yes, there are some who won't) who are approached honestly about the schedule of busy kids will work with the parents if it is a fair partnership.  If I know that one of my students is absolutely solid on a Tuesday night, and that expecting work to be done on that night is not reasonable, I will shift and work to accomodate it - if - I know that the kid is really a committed individual in their outside interests. Most teachers would rather know ahead of time about competitions, etc, so that we can work with the kid to succeed. What we DO NOT care for is the parent who tells us that "school doesn't matter" or "can't you just let her out of [insert assignment here, or test here] because, of course, dance/dressage/skating/soccer is so much more important than schoolwork" ... or gives us notice the day before a 4 day absence for a competition that has been scheduled for 3 months ... if you treat the school and the teacher with respect, most (okay, okay, not all) teachers will work with you to help your kid cover all of the needed bases.

We require our two kids to notify all of their teachers at least a week in advance of planned absences; to get all of the work they will miss done in advance; and to discuss with their teachers properly and maturely their schedules and their time burdens. We have found this to reap huge benefits as the teachers are impressed with the proactive and organized approach (and it is NEVER using their schedules as an excuse to do less work than others).

I do admit, though, to glueing together a few "arts and crafts" Thanksgiving turkeys for my kid in Grade 1 or 2 ... I had this sympathy for the little boy with the 10 thumbs who would end up with the glue eveywhere and a turkey that looked more like a reptile than a fowl ... but I also wrote a note to the teacher acknowledging my intervention in the interest of not having FrankenBird put up on the school bulletin board!

[AgnesNitt]

I'd tattle on the kids' moms for doing the homework!  I mean, really though - won't the penmanship be odd?

It will be easy to pic out. The parents know cursive , the kids don't.

[falen]

It will be easy to pic out. The parents know cursive , the kids don't.

The parents are that dumb.  They print!