Agnes' Summary of Coach / Skater Etiquette

[AgnesNitt]

This is a summary of a long etiquette thread on the boards. I wrote this, and brought together views from skaters, coaches, parents and my own observation. It is not 'approved' by any skating authority. It's intended to help out new adult skaters, parents, and older teens.
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Skater's Relationship with A Private Coach

This FAQ is written for adult skaters, parents of skaters, and older teens with skating experience. The FAQ assumes that the person reading it is the skater or a parent.

1. Are you new to skating?
You've enjoyed going around the rink, and admired the skaters in the center where they're doing jumps and spins. You want to learn more. The first thing to do is to sign up for a Learn to Skate or WeSkate program at your local rink. Your rink may be affiliated with either the Ice Skating Institute, or the United States Figure Skating Association, or CANSKATE, or your national skating association. For you as a beginner, this does not matter. Someone may tell you that USFSA is 'better' because its skaters go to the Olympics. This is irrelevant to you. Go to the rink where your friends go, or it's closest by, or where you enjoy the atmosphere. You're there to skate, not go to the Olympics.

2. Leaning to Skate
You've signed up for beginners lessons, or as these are called in the skating world "group lessons" or simply "group". As in "I have group tonight." As you go through the series of lessons, you'll notice that some people learn faster than others. Some people learn one element faster than others, then simply can't grasp something you find easy. Try to concentrate on your own skating. Be happy for others as they learn new skills. Don't feel you have to compete. It's not a race.
However, perhaps you have certain elements you're learning you want to work on, or you've graduated from all the classes for beginners but don't feel confident to moving to the next level (called 'freestyle'), or you want to pursue ice dance or figures, or you decide to go up to freestyle. You have now reached the point where you will want to engage a private coach. If you like the group coach, you may ask the coach if he or she is available for private lessons. Or you may have seen a coach instructing a student during a public session and liked how that coach worked. You can also go to the rink's skating director and ask for a recommendation. Regardless, in your first outing with a private coach, it is suggested that you put a period of time, or a number of lessons as a limit. Since you are new to skating this will give you an opportunity to experience private lessons without a long term commitment to a coach.

3. Private vs. Group Coaches
The coach in your group class is engaged by the rink. You do not have a professional relationship with the group coach. You have a relationship with the rink. When you engage a private coach, however, your relationship is with that person as an individual. In the world of skating, you owe the private coach loyalty. This is why with your first coach, it's wise to have a time or lesson limit. However, at some point you will find a coach you like, this FAQ will help you work out the relationship with that coach.

THE FOLLOWING Is THE MOST IMPORTANT PARAGRAPH IN THIS FAQ

It is possible to learn to skate without lessons. It is not possible to learn to skate well without lessons. When you engage a private coach, however, you are entering into a kind of apprenticeship. Once you have selected a coach, this relationship can last for years. In the paragraph above, it was suggested for your first coach, sign on for a limited time, then make an informed decision to stay or find another coach. At some point you will find the right coach for you. When this happens you will enter a relationship that is part business, and part apprenticeship. There are codes of conduct for both skaters and coaches. This FAQ will help you in that maze of rules.


4. Dealing with your private coach
(The paragraphs below are about a relationship with a private coach. Remember, your relationship with your group coach is through the rink. Most of these rules don't apply to your relationship with your group coach.)

a. Your coach is a professional. Professionals expect to be paid on time and promptly. Failure to pay your coach can damage your reputation in the skating community. Word gets around.

b. When setting up a professional relationship with a coach you should determine their policy on 'no shows'. Some coaches charge, others don't. If you don't show up, and the coach charges for no shows, you should expect to pay.

c. Your relationship with your coach is a professional one. You should be professional when working with them.
i.You should show up on time and ready to skate.
ii. If you must miss a lesson , let your coach know immediately! (See rule #2)
iii. If you are the skater, you should put your full effort into focusing on the coach during a lesson. No breaking off to chat with friends.  
iv. If your child is the skater, the parent and the coach should determine how long a lesson the child can focus. A young child may only be  attentive for 15 minutes.
v. Let your coach know what your interests and goals are. Work with the coach to learn specific skills you'll need to meet your goals.
vi. Practice between lessons.

5. Don't get caught in the middle--Poaching/Soliciting
The coaching world is sensitive about 'poaching'. Poaching is a term used to indicate that a coach solicits (steals) a student away from another coach. This is considered a serious breach of coach professional ethics. Skaters must be careful not to fall afoul of this issue as your actions can reflect on your coach.

a. If you are planning to see another coach, you should talk to your present coach *before* contacting the second coach. (This does not apply to occasions when you're taking group lessons, or going to a skating camp.) This rule applies to those occasions when you may want to take a handful of lessons with another coach for a specific issue or while your coach is on vacation. Your coach my offer to make the arrangements, or provide you with suggestions or recommendations.

b. Don't talk to other skaters who have a different coach and encourage them to come over to your coach. (Children are particularly bad in this. If you are the parent of a child who wants to switch over to a coach because it's a friend's coach, you will need to proceed very carefully. For one thing the other coach may not want your child as a student. )

c. Treat other coaches with respect, particularly regarding ice safety, but it's not their job to coach you. Don't ask them for tips.

d. If a coach other than your own, offers you skating tips, this may be in violation of PSA poaching rules. You should proceed very carefully as this can place you in the middle of two coaches.

e. If you are at a skating camp, group lessons, or other skating event with outside coaches, rule c and d above don't apply.

6.  When to leave a coach:
a. A coach can 'fire' a skater. Perhaps the skater is not advancing, or fails to show up, or pay bills. If the skater shows promise but fails to practice or demonstrate self discipline, then the coach may feel it's time to part ways.

b. Sometimes the student outgrows the coach. This is tricky. There is a section on "breaking up is hard to do" below (para #8).

c. Sometimes the coach is not professional: is late, misses lessons, spends time on ice on the phone or chatting with friends. Sayonara. If the coach fails to show up for several lessons, is not reachable by phone,text, or email and you wish to sever relationship. Go to the skating director of the rink and lay the situation out. The skating director can help with advice or take matters out of your hands.

e. You can't afford the lessons, you can't get to the rink on time, you're not happy with the rink and are switching rinks.

6. Social Networking

a. Friend a coach? Maybe. Some coaches use Facebook as a professional tool, others as a personal tool. A general recommendation is not to friend any professional you have a professional relationship with (doctor, lawyer, or coach) unless they indicate this is okay.

b. Teenagers are particularly oblivious to the fact that adults can read their Facebook page. You and your child are in a professional relationship with another adult.  Maintaining a professional relationship works both ways; that means not only does the coach not post about the child, but vice versa.

7. Picking a coach

a. Say you've seen a coach at the rink and you like their style. Perhaps other students have discussed their lessons with you, and you think you'd like to try that coach out. what do you do?

b. There are a lot of options. If you don't have a present coach, you can go to the prospective coach and ask about taking lessons. It's generally agreed that setting up a specific number of lessons, or a specific period of time is the best way to try out a new coach.  

c. A coach can say 'no' to a prospective student. Perhaps there are not slots available, or the student isn't advanced enough, or is not testing, or not involved with some other aspect of skating the coach is focused on. Don't take this refusal personally. It's purely a professional decision on the coach's part.

d, Going to a new coach when you already have a coach. WARNING! Dangerous waters ahead. Generally, the etiquette is that you should tell your present coach that you are planning to leave. Once you have had this discussion you can then approach another coach. Set a date for the final lesson, pay all your bills.
 
e. The final option is to talk to your present coach and say you'd like to take lessons from both her and the new coach, perhaps on a particular issue (spins, jumps etc).  Maybe you'll still want to change, or maybe you'll find the grass is not greener on the other side.

8. Breaking up is hard to do.

It's not working out. Maybe it's money, or time, or the rink, or you don't feel that you're advancing under the coach. How do you break up?

a. PAY YOUR BILLS.  If you owe your coach money. Pay up.

b. Talk to the coach. Some people say 'be frank'. Others say 'be tactful'  It's possible to be tactfully frank. It really depends on the issue. Money, time, and rink issues you can be frank. Everything else: be tactful. Remember, the rink is a small community. You don't want to damage your own reputation, or your coach's.

c. Separation pay. Financially, you don't owe a coach anything other than to pay bills. However, if you have to quit abruptly and without warning,  a cash equivalent to two lessons  would be a gracious and thoughtful gift, especially if your relationship with the coach has been productive and successful.

d. Don't be a coach hopper. Don't spend a few months with one coach, then another. Remember, this is as much an apprenticeship as anything else. The inability to settle down, marks you as unreliable and unworthy of a coach's time.

e. If you are leaving your old coach to go to a new coach, be advised that the new coach may not even discuss the issue with you until you have formally left the old coach, paid up, etc. This varies by country. Some countries have very strict professional ethics regarding this.

9. Minding your own business

Rinks are small communities. While everyone doesn't know everyone else, they generally recognize the regulars on sight. The coaches are at the center of this community. They are professional, but gossip is gossip. Even outside your rink coaches know other coaches. They chat about their students advancements, tests, and accomplishments. If you are an adult student you may find your coach shares this gossip with you. Be sure you preserve their confidentiality.

But some times--extremely rarely---things don't go well.

Suppose you notice something that you believe is abusive, illegal, or perhaps poor instructional technique.
You may see a coach talking tough to a student and the student crying on the ice. Are you observing abuse? Or are you observing a coach verbally disciplining a student who won't practice, or is obdurate. This kind of distantly viewed, easily misinterpreted event, is completely different from a clear cut instance of abuse (a parent slapping or violently shaking a child). For things that are legal issues you must proceed with care, just as you would with any other business. What you think you see or hear may not really be what is going on.  If you truly believe something illegal is happening, then you must proceed as your judgment guides you.

What about cases where you see what you believe is an incompetent coach? A student can't do back crossovers after several years of lessons. The coach uses incorrect jumping technique. Sorry, none of your business. The student may have a physical or mental limitations. Even if the coach is teaching an element wrong, that's the skating director's problem not yours.


Christmas Gifts
a. There's no rule that you have to give your coach a gift for Christmas or a birthday. However, it is a custom that is widely honored.
b. Cash is good. Coaches like cash. Also gift cards, booze, and cookies.
c. Small children like to give actual gifts. Use your adult judgment in guiding them.
d. Don't expect a gift from your coach.

[davincisop]

b. Cash is good. Coaches like cash. Also gift cards, booze, and cookies.

Wonderful post Agnes!  Very thorough.

The gift part is the funniest. My coach has gotten each of those from various people haha. I got her a starbucks gift card for her birthday (because who doesn't like warm coffee in the morning in a cold rink?) and then for Christmas I got her one of those Energy Armour bracelets that aren't being sold anymore (they claimed to help balance, strength, etc. I got one for kicks and giggles and I like how they look, and she saw mine and said she'd wanted to get one of those and try it, so I got her a pink one!). So sometimes quirky gifts are fun, too.

[slcbelle]

Thank you for this posting.  I'm now at the point where I'm looking to hire a coach and this has been immensely helpful.

[Rachelsk8s]

Awesome!!  You nailed every key point

[VAsk8r]

Great tips! Only thing I don't completely agree with is the part about alcohol being a good gift. I wouldn't give alcohol as a gift to anyone unless I knew for a fact they enjoyed it. The person could be a recovering alcoholic or not drink for religious or moral reasons.

About talking to other skaters...where is this line drawn? What if I was considering switching coaches and asked another skater questions about his/her coach? Is that unethical for either of us?

I have had the experience of another skater pressuring me to switch coaches. It was really awkward.

[Skittl1321]

Great tips! Only thing I don't completely agree with is the part about alcohol being a good gift. I wouldn't give alcohol as a gift to anyone unless I knew for a fact they enjoyed it. The person could be a recovering alcoholic or not drink for religious or moral reasons.

The same can be said of cookies. The person may be diabetic, allergic to wheat or eggs.  Pretty much any gift other than cash needs to be tailored to the recipient. (my coach would love a starbucks cards. When parents give them to me during LTS -rare- I give them to other coaches)

However, many of us have found coaches consider alcohol to be a great gift.  I am so thankful my coach is turning 21 this weekend.  Christmas gifts previously have been difficult (I don't like to do gift cards, but always have before)

[AgnesNitt]

My coach like cognac. That's been made very clear.

I give cash. Let him buy his own d*&% liquor.

[platyhiker]

About talking to other skaters...where is this line drawn? What if I was considering switching coaches and asked another skater questions about his/her coach? Is that unethical for either of us?

I would think that phrasing the questions appropriately could make it fine.  e.g.  "What is your coach's style?  What do you especially like about working with your coach?  Is there anything you don't like?  Does your coach emphasize X or Y more?"  I think even "What sort of student/skater does best with your coach?  Is there any sort of student/skater that would be a bad match for you coach?"  would be OK.  I think you want to avoid "Is your coach better than my coach?" and "Should I switch to your coach?" style questions.

Caveat:  I've learned via group lessons up to this point, and am just about to start on a trial period of lessons with a private coach.  If anybody more experienced in the coaching relationship thinks my opinions are flawed, please feel free to correct them.  My opinions are based on what I've read on this forum and other on-line skating sites, common sense, and knowledge of general ethics one would expect of professionals in many businesses.

[AgnesNitt]

I would think that phrasing the questions appropriately could make it fine.  e.g.  "What is your coach's style?  What do you especially like about working with your coach?  Is there anything you don't like?  Does your coach emphasize X or Y more?"  I think even "What sort of student/skater does best with your coach?  Is there any sort of student/skater that would be a bad match for you coach?"  would be OK.  I think you want to avoid "Is your coach better than my coach?" and "Should I switch to your coach?" style questions.

Those are excellent, and show you must work in one of the professions. I may steal them someday.

[sarahspins]

About talking to other skaters...where is this line drawn? What if I was considering switching coaches and asked another skater questions about his/her coach? Is that unethical for either of us?

I think this is fine.... it's a lot like reading reviews online, except you get the benefit of asking in person

[Bunny Hop]

Great tips! Only thing I don't completely agree with is the part about alcohol being a good gift. I wouldn't give alcohol as a gift to anyone unless I knew for a fact they enjoyed it. The person could be a recovering alcoholic or not drink for religious or moral reasons.

I wouldn't get too stressed about this. My husband and I don't drink, but when we're given alcohol as a gift we just thank the giver and consider it one of those occasions when it really is the thought that counts. We then re-gift it to one of our friends who we know will like it. And as someone else said, you can have the same issue with any gift of something edible. The person receiving the gift most likely won't take offence.

[slcbelle]

I'm skating with a coach for the first time this morning for a trial session.  :-)  Woo hoo!

[AgnesNitt]

I'm skating with a coach for the first time this morning for a trial session.  :-)  Woo hoo!

Did the OP help you in any way? Did you have suggestions based on your experience?

[slcbelle]

Did the OP help you in any way? Did you have suggestions based on your experience?

Absolutely, Agnes!  I commented a few posts before that the entire thread was extremely helpful to me and I'm so glad I found it. Rather than finding out about the culture and intricacies of coaching the hard way through faux pas, your post enabled me to enter this phase of skating with far greater awareness and insight than I could have had on my own.  Much obliged!