Skating Moms & Dads

[Neverdull44]

In thinking about the parents of skaters, they are endlessly unselfish.  They sit at the rink, for hours, watching their kids skate.  I don't know how housekeeping and dinners get made, or their own selves taken care of.   They seem to do it all, without a complaint.  I call them, "Super Skating Parents."   Even a few of these parents will not leave the rink, perhaps a small errand, in case their child is hurt.   The rink does have the parent's phone numbers, but I understand because I am a parent too.   I can totally see that if the child was small, and I can also see if the child was older.  But, not because of the child getting hurt, but because you never really 'know' who you are leaving your children with (sexual predator, etc).  Most parents seem content to watch, a few run a business, and others are glad to help out with costuming, show props, etc.   A few will walk laps outside the rink.   And, a brave few have ventured onto the ice themselves, and extra kudos to them. 

But, I run into the parent who seems to regret her decision to be at the rink.  It's her "job", she bemoans not being able to work-out at a nearby gym, she says her house is a mess, her appearance is usually a mess, but always states "it is her daughter's time."   I don't say much back, but I quietly disagree that she should let herself go.  She's not doing herself any favors, or those around her.  If she was happy, the others would be happier.  If she doesn't take care of herself, she could die prematurely and then she will be the missing rock that others have relied upon.  Plus,  having had men in the family that cheated on wives who let themselves go in their mid-life, I am becoming more vigilant to remain physically & mentally in balance.    When you become a parent, you become an example.   Yes, I am active.  But, both my kids are active too.  I want them to see me and my husband active & engaged & happy in our 40s, 50s, 60s, etc.  I am not sure if she is a martyr personality or not.   It could be, but she is also unhappy/bored about her life.   We do have a gym at the rink with personal trainers that overlook both practice ices.   I'm fairly certain she has the means to join it, but I haven't suggested it.      I just quietly nod, and this is our conversation every time we talk before I go onto the ice.    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.   

[trixietoes]

1.   Spouses cheating on their spouses  has nothing to do with physical appearance or of letting oneself "go". It has everything to do with the mental and moral fitness of the cheating spouse.

2. Each family is different. Their needs and responsibilities are different .  Parents who send their kids away to train do not see their skater every day. Parents who at at the rink coach see their skater every day.

3. In my time as a skater  my parents worked and had busy social and civic duties but they came to all test days, competitions, carnivals etc. They would come in early for a few minutes before the end of the session. They were much older than the other parents.

4. As a coach I have seen all kinds. Rarely is it of benefit to the skater for parents to be present all session , every session. Often it is detrimental except in cases where a skater is very young, under 8. There is a reason many dance studios, gyms and arenas have closed session policies.

[twinskaters]

That's sad if she truly doesn't want to be there. She may just be making noise, though, saying what she thinks should be said as the long-suffering mom.

I love watching my kids skate and usually am either in the rink or peeking through the glass door during lessons and practice. They're 10 and like me to watch, too. There have been times when I've had to pull back because they were whiny due to struggling with a skill, but mostly it's a happy atmosphere and they like my feedback, and their coach is fine with it.

Several other moms and I like to commiserate about the early mornings and expense of skating, but it's all with the understanding that we appreciate the sport and love seeing our kids skate and be happy. Not to mention we are at the rink from 7:30-9am, so it's not like I'm missing all that much I could be doing at those hours. Other than sleeping!

But ditto trixietoes that cheating has very little to do with "letting oneself go" except when it is a symptom of larger emotional issues that can damage a relationship.

[Neverdull44]

Yes, I hear you on being pretty has nothing to do with cheating.    I'm sorry I said that.    I do feel better when I am put together and that puts me in a happier mood.  And, if I've skated or even went for a brisk walk, then I feel real great.   Than, I don't nag as much.   But, if I had a 'no hairbrush, sweat pant' day, where I couldn't do anything ' for me '  then I am in a funky mood where my glass is half-full.   Call it vain.   

The two women I know let themselves go, let them go both in physical presentation, dress, and attitude.  They were in a crappy, naggy mood, and their husbands of 20 years eventually left them for the quintessential giggly and adoring 25 year old who praised and 'appreciated' the 'man.'

In the back of my mind, helped by my husband's comment today about this exchange, I hope the woman didn't say that to me because she's afraid I am using 'my time' to take away her daughter's time.  I didn't get that vibe, but I have read stories on this site about how some parents don't like adults on the ice.  I try to make it a point to stay out of the girls' ways and even go to the boards when the really advanced skaters do their routines to  music.   

I watch my daughter ride horses at the barn.    I am very contented, video taping, petting horses, and talking with others.   And, it's about 3 hours in total.   Unfortunately, it's a long drive and I usually stay there.   I watch my son play hockey, four nights a week now!    I make sure I am always giving a thumbs up if he looks my way.  But, if there's free-skating on another ice, then I'm on the other ice.

[twinskaters]

Three hours is a long time. My kids usually won't stay on the ice more than an hour (which is technically how much time I'm paying for at morning FS but no one is checking and they could go longer).

I am also somewhat LOL at your comments because I had one sick kid today (fever, had to cancel on coach last minute) and am in old sweats but I did actually shower so I'm only in a semi funk.

[amy1984]

My parents used to drop me off for my weekend skate - I skated a long session so almost 3 hour if I remember righ - and then leave to grocery shop or run errands or just go to the mall and shop around.  If a parent doesn't want to be there for every skate, I don't get why they'd force themselves.  I don't know the age of this kid, but in all honesty, the kid is relatively safe.  Her coach is there.  So are many other coaches.  And skaters and parents.  If she wants to go to the gym I'd say this is a prime opportunity for gym time Maybe suggest that to her!

[ChristyRN]

  I don't say much back, but I quietly disagree that she should let herself go.  She's not doing herself any favors, or those around her.  If she was happy, the others would be happier.  If she doesn't take care of herself, she could die prematurely and then she will be the missing rock that others have relied upon.  Plus,  having had men in the family that cheated on wives who let themselves go in their mid-life, I am becoming more vigilant to remain physically & mentally in balance.   

My ex cheated on me *after* I started losing weight. I had let myself go before then (so had he) but I had lost ~50 pounds by the time he decided to cheat.

Cheating has nothing to do with looks. It has to do with the personality of the cheater and the example he has in his life. In his case, his mother was "OK" with his step father cheating, so it was OK that he did it to.

[ARoo]

I stay with my 9 year old daughter at the rink for a lot of reasons.  Safety, her food allergies, she doesn't have a phone, there is no guarantee any other adult will be there, etc.  However, I mostly stay because I love to be there and she loves me being there.  It's something we do together. We're a team. I have an older child so I know how quickly it can go from, "mom, don't leave..." to "mom, please go..."

She really appreciates the support and knowing that I am there for her. She's like this in all areas -- she loves when I go on field trips and will happily sit with me on the bus, she loves when I stay with her during birthday parties and chat with the other moms.  She isn't at all interested in severing our ties yet but I might only have a couple more years before that time comes.

As long as she wants me there, I'll be there.  I work from home and make my own hours, so I catch up when I can. There are a lot of parents who don't stay there. I've been saddened by comments from other parents like, "are you kidding me? I'm not staying here.  The day you learned to tie your own skates was the best day of my life." I've had MANY of the girls tell me they wished their moms would stay and watch them.

In the end, I also think it promotes a healthy mental attitude when it comes to tests and competitions.  She is never nervous when I'm watching from the audience because I'm always there.  She has no trouble blocking me out mentally and doing her thing.  As long as I'm able to be there and she wants me there, that's where I'll be (even when we have to get up at 4:15am). 

[DressmakingMomma]

I have an older child so I know how quickly it can go from, "mom, don't leave..." to "mom, please go..."

Yep, one day the conversation went something like, "You know, you don't have to stay, none of the other moms do. Now go, pleeease, just go." And that was it! I'm glad I was in the stands for all those lessons while she wanted me there. I'm proud of her independence and glad she feels comfortable enough with her coach that she doesn't need me watching over her but I miss witnessing the small struggles and accomplishments that happen during lessons.

Such is the life of a parent - you work so hard to try to raise good kids and help them become independent, responsible young adults but then the process of letting go is so very difficult. Not because I don't trust my kiddos but because I have experienced such joy in being a part of their growing up. My first is about to sign a commitment to a University in the next week or so, leaving me feeling particularly philosophical and nostalgic.

[sk8dsmom]

This was part of my 10 year journey so far and I expect at last 3 - 5+ years still to go.

When the kids are little, you want to be there in case they hurt themselves and to tie their laces.
As they progress, you want to see every little achievement they get -a 3 turn, a spin, a waltz jump, etc..
Then it gets to the point, they want you to go. 

And then they will skate when it is during working hours when you can't go watch if they are able to get to that competitive level.

BUT I found the biggest thing was when they progress to a certain level, you really DON'T want to be there to see or hear their falls. 
It's scarier for you than for them (most of the time).   The worst was on they are learning the double axel and higher and have no idea where their body is in the air. 
And this is when injuries really start appearing

[icedancer]

I love the parents of skaters!!

As a judge I love to watch them come to local competitions - like a competition that goes from Basic Skills to Senior Ladies.

With the little ones there is often a big audience - grandparents, neighbors, brothers and sisters and of course the parents.

Once they are out of Basic Skills sometimes you will see both parents.

By the time they are Intermediate-Novice you see a single parent of each of the skaters all sitting together and rooting for each other's kids - they have become good friends through the years of their kids skating.

Sometimes after the kids go to college we still see the parents as they have become embedded in the skating culture as club board members, test chairs, etc., etc. - still staying in touch with the sport that brought them all together all those years ago.