is this typical

[falen]

I know its not normal.  But it seems a parent is spreading rumors that I am unhappy with dd's coach.  Her kid has the same coach and was way ahead of her to begin with.  Now they are at the same level, and since I've experienced hostility from her and a change in coach's behavior.  What do I do?

[Skittl1321]

Poorly behaving parents actually does seem to be the norm at many rinks.

Either confront her or ignore it.  However you normally deal with gossip.

[FigureSpins]

Stop doing things that indicate that you're unhappy with DD's coach.  Try a little praise and kindness, plus stop:
. second-guessing the coach about competition program elements;
. overreacting about situations out of the coach's control (eyeglasses/synchro => singles competition); and
. getting tips and techniques, then coaching your daughter personally.

The other mom is the one who's hostile?  Reading between the lines, I hear "that other mother is just jealous because my DD caught up to her DD in skating."  I think you should re-examine how you talk to other people.  Have you been complaining publicly about the eyeglasses and the competition program and other things?

[falen]

Stop doing things that indicate that you're unhappy with DD's coach.  Try a little praise and kindness, plus stop:
. second-guessing the coach about competition program elements;
. overreacting about situations out of the coach's control (eyeglasses/synchro => singles competition); and
. getting tips and techniques, then coaching your daughter personally.

The other mom is the one who's hostile?  Reading between the lines, I hear "that other mother is just jealous because my DD caught up to her DD in skating."  I think you should re-examine how you talk to other people.  Have you been complaining publicly about the eyeglasses and the competition program and other things?

I was way too embarassed to tell anyone dd knows about the glasses.  I use this forum to ask things that I am too embarassed to ask, so no this lady does not know about it.  And yes she is hostile...to the point of saying something like, kids don't skip that many grade levels in school, so it should not be allowed at the rink. 

[kssk8fan]

As a parent, I will say....if parents would excuse themselves from the skating world things would be much better! 

HAHA.....I know that can't and wouldn't ever happen.  Parents, Coaches and Skaters have to form a perfect triangle and work together!  Each side needs to balance each other out in order to keep that triangle together.  What is important to remember is that it's "Your" triangle.  It doesn't belong to any other skater or parent.  Imagine your triangle as a magnet.  All the other skaters have their own triangles.  When their triangles become out of balance, it works like a magnet to pull yours apart as well (sometimes, not all the time).  As a parent, it's our responsibility to keep our perfectly working triangles together no matter how much outside interference there is. 

With this said, it's also common courtesy to ignore other's triangles and not to meddle so much in what's working and what's not!   This is where parents go wrong, IMO.   To keep on the triangle theme......  It's as if we see a skate, coach, parent triangle that seems much shinier, pretty, stronger, more fun, etc....  and we want that triangle instead of the one we have!  Therefore we start to look for cracks in our own.  i.e. The coach is different now, that skater is learning faster, that skater has more lesson time, that coach cares more, that parent gets what she/he wants all the time.....I could go on and on!  Well, the age old saying that if you look for the negatives you will find them, will certainly happen here.  If you look for cracks in your own triangle, you'll find them!  Nothing is perfect.

I have personally had to do some "triangle" shifting....some have fallen apart and some just didn't work.  However, after many lessons learned - I have come to realize that nothing is perfect, most everything is out of my control as a parent and I have to trust my instinct and work to preserve our "triangle". 

I hope my analogy of the triangle makes sense.  I wish someone would have educated me back when my daughter and I were new to this sport.  However, I probably wouldn't have listened!  HAHA   I think it may have to be something we must learn.  I do believe whole heartedly that those cannot or won't learn this (especially the meddling part) don't last long in this sport! 

Just my 2 cents!  Relax, have fun, and focus on your triangle and no one else's!

[Schmeck]

What did the coach say when you discussed this with her/him?

[Sk8tmum]

Ummm ... one other thing. Your kid is fairly unique in terms of some of her physical characteristics (the glasses, etc) - and these forums are open to all readers.  You may have been identified by someone based on your posts, and interpretations of your posts may have resulted.

[falen]

now i can't say anymore.

The truth won out. 

[jjane45]

I like kssk8fan's triangle analogy. Regardless what others say, focus on your relationship with coach, communicate early and clearly.

[PinkLaces]

I'd go to the coach and ask if she's heard that you are unhappy with her.  If she says yes, then express how you feel about the coach assuming you are happy with her.  If she says no, tell her how you feel and say that you'd heard somethings, but wanted her to know you are happy with her etc and if she hears anything please come to you to discuss.

If you aren't happy with the coach, that's another matter.  Parents at the rink talk. Innocent comments can sometimes be taken out of context and miscontrued.  I wouldn't tell anyone at the rink I was unhappy with my DD's coach or criticize her. There are several people at our rink that would tell her in a heartbeat.

[Teresa]

If you appreciate your coach tell them! Everyone likes to know their appreciated. =-) Gossip happens at the skating rink sadly. I refuse to listen and keep my personal feelings to myself pretty much. I have learned that gossip is 99% crap and if I don't see it or hear it I don't believe it. If someone isn't treating you or your child the way you want, be polite and avoid them. Skating is a competive sport and does seem to bring the green nasties out in some folks. Saying that, make sure you present a positive attitude about your childs progress as well as others. Good luck,

Teresa 

[Schmeck]

Actually, it's important to listen (but not contribute) to the rink chatter - everyone needs to be in the loop about going ons.  We've been bitten in the butt too many times by not being in the loop about stuff going on at our rink such as:

1) skating coaches let go from the club, and the upheaval of the club board of directors
2) skating coach leaving, ugly scramble for a new synchro team
3) unhappy parent making ugly comments that chased away potential synchro skaters, and half of the present team.

If I had been aware of these things, I'd have been able to make better decisions for my daughter's skating career.  Coaches don't always come forth immediately with their plans, boards don't give out much info at all, and the parent crap needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as it starts.

[falen]

I certainly nipped it.  I confront gossip and now all relationships are back to normal, except that mom hasn/t brought her kid to practice yet. 

[Sk8Dreams]

Congratulations!

[isakswings]

I certainly nipped it.  I confront gossip and now all relationships are back to normal, except that mom hasn/t brought her kid to practice yet. 

That is the best possible way to handle it. The truth of the matter is, some parents/skater are going to be bothered by one skater moving up faster then their skater. Skating is an individual sport. Each skater progresses at their own pace. Some skaters have more ice time, lesson time and/or more natural ability then other skaters. It is silly to expect all skaters to progress at the same rate. It is not realistic.

Good luck and I am glad the problem is resolved.