Frustrated and upset. Parents- what would you do?

[isakswings]

Sierra... my older 2 kids are homeschooled(including my skater!). This is a our first year homeschooling and so I worry about many things, one of those being I want my kids to succeed! I can see your mom's point and I don't think it was a bad thing to make you loose a day of skating so you could work on your school work. Eventhough you say you had done well balancing life and skating, you did get behind. I imagine your mom was trying to make a point and wanted to use that experience as a learning experience for you. Because she DID keep you from skating that day, you now know she will absolutely follow through on any threat she places before you. Your mom knows how important skating is to you... that is why she is able to use it to help you to do your work. I am not saying you don't have a right to be upset... you do. BUT try to look at it from your mom's prespective... all she sees are your grades slipping and obviously she felt skating was the culprit. Just keep things in order form now on and it sounds like your skating will not be interupted. Considering she was willing to pay your lesson fee... even when you weren't there for the lesson, leads me to believe she was absolutely wanting to make a point. I know I am hard pressed to pay for a lesson or ice time that isn't being used by dd. Mom to a 12 y/o skater and a 15 y/o teenage boy(oh and a cute almost 10 year old boy too!)!

[SillyAdultSkater]

If I may chirp in as not a parent but from a young adult's perspective - when I was 12 I already knew what I wanted to do for a career, so it's certainly not impossible to know very young. I wasn't sure I'd do it with all the pressure from mom, but I knew it was what I wanted.
However, I kept my options open as long as I could (at one point, my health started interfering). Ya betcha butt off my mom wasn't happy with my choice (even though it's a very respectable sort of field and requires a university education and all that). She thought I should choose something in which there is *always* a job as opposed to almost always... Point is, stand up for what you wanna do but don't rub it in her face and keep your options open. Parents really like that. More over, it'd be good for you too, to go to college. You can have a coaching career after that - it's only four years or so, or the difference between 18 and 22 or so (not 100% sure on the US system). Point is, it's peanuts, but it will make sure that if your coaching thing doesn't work out - or doesn't work out as a full time job - you have skills to fall back on. You won't end up jobless on unemployment/disability because you had a car accident and never quite recovered for instance, since it's much harder to mess up your head than it is to mess up your body.

BTW in university, if I had projects that needed finishing - that was what I did. I didn't go skating because in the end that one day of skating is not going to matter but re-taking a course? That is going to matter. Sometimes I picked subjects I didn't really want to do just so I could have enough credits (subjects were split into groups and you had to pick at least 1 subject from each group) and still make an empty early afternoon skating session. I've skated after all-nighters and nearly-all-nighters, that's acceptable since you've just turned in your paper and you can get the reward of skating (even if it'll be an easy moves session). I've even worked through a night and then slept for 3 hours and off to the rink I was, just to finish in time to go skating, since the deadline would be much later that day. But the point is the common denominator in that is, you do the school stuff first and then you skate. If you can't plan around the skating, then a skating session gets dropped. That's part of what being responsible is about, you have to learn to make choices (even if those "choices" still appear nuts to everyone around you since the "sane" choice to them would be to get a good night's sleep and finish just before the deadline and never go skate). Took me a while to find the balance too, the grades definitely suffered when on top of it all I decided to undertake other extracurricular activities. But you know what, the skating suffered then too, probably even more. It was just a temporary blip in my grades though, barely noticeable on my bachelor's degree, by the time I was doing the master's degree my grades were back up to cum laude level again. It had to be, because with a finished master's I knew my bachelor's degree wouldn't be as important anyway. So I knew I could mess up on the BA but not on the master.

Your parents probably have their hopes on you going to a very good college (as opposed to your brother, who's not getting good grades by your account) and getting a very good education and a very *satisfactory* and intellectually challenging job and well off too, and they're now worried that with your skating, that may not come true. Higher abilities come with higher expectations sweetie, just the way it is. And btw, nothing is quite as mind numbening and depressing as working at a supermarket or doing some other job that can be done by a machine almost as well...

[isakswings]

Interesting... mindnumbing to work in retail? I work in retail(you said grocery) and I know other college educated individuals who work in retail.My cousin's wife works at a grocery store and is college educated. Don't assume everyone who works a "mindnumbing" job is uneducated. I have a nursing dimploma... in the end it just wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up getting married at 22, had my 1st child a few yrs sooner then planned and motherhood became a priority. My "mindnumbing" job works with my busy mom schedule. No, it is not what I thought I would be doing at this stage of my life, but in the end, I will have raised 3 beautiful children and honestly... that is a gift I would never return.  I know you did not mean to be insulting. In fact, I think you were trying to help the OP understand why a college education is important. I agree, education IS important but don't be so fast to judge and assume someone working in a grocery store is uneducated. JMO

[FigureSpins]

Okay, I'll ask the $64 question: Sierra, what does your father think about your grades and skating?

I get the feeling your mom's a single parent.  If that's the case, get off her case.

[Kat]

You know, it's hard to say.  I could tell you you're focusing on skating too much.  I could tell you school is more important.  Yada yada.  But, I don't know your whole situation.

I was a bad student.  Not un-smart, mind you (I once got yelled at by a college rep at a college fair when he found out the discrepancy between my ACT score and GPA), just didn't apply myself.  I had a lot of outside activities, but they were NOT the reason I didn't feel like doing my homework; if I did nothing but sit at home all night every night, it wouldn't have made me do my homework.  Perhaps that is why I can't recall my mom ever "punishing" me by taking away my other activities, because she knew I was lazy, not overworked.

I get that you need to do your homework, and I'll tell you that for sure.  But, I do think your mom is being unfair to complain about your skating.  If she wants you to not skate, then she needs to say "no, you're not skating, we're not paying for it, we're not taking you there," and make that the end of it.  But if she wants to allow you to, then she can't complain about it every minute.  My mom was like that sometimes and it drove me nuts.  She'd say, "yes, you can spend the night at your friend's house" but then the whole drive there she'd complain about it.  THEN JUST SAY NO!  It's no good to tell someone they can do something and then make it very clear that you didn't want them to do something but didn't have the chutzpah to say no.  Granted, some kids are whiners and the parents think it's easier to give in, but it's still the parents' choice to do so, and trying to guilt-trip the kid doesn't do a lot of good, at least as far as I've seen.

So yes, I've said it.  When it comes to complaining, I think your mom was in the wrong.  Also as far as when it comes to holding you and your brother to different standards.  I understand why people do it--once someone sets a "pattern," they're held to it (which is why people are often advised not to set a pattern of being an overachiever--whether at work or school or elsewhere--lest they always be expected to be perfect).  I understand that in some instances, people just work to the best of their strengths and their strengths aren't equal.  And yes, perhaps you are just smarter than your brother.  But when it comes to effort, I'm sorry, but there is no discrepancy in strengths.  I tell you this AS someone who's prone to be lazy and unambitious.  There was nothing stopping me back in high school from getting stuff done as well as the next person.  I had no deficiency of intelligence or physical ability or maturity or what-have-you...just lazy.  So I give him no pass there on not getting stuff done, either, and she should totally be holding you both to the same standard there.

Mind you, I'm not trying to take sides.  I don't know you, your mom, or your actual situation.  But I saw a lot of people getting down on you, and I wanted to point out that I don't think you're 100% in the wrong here.

[Sierra]

I have a father who is very happily married to my mother. I don't know what he thinks of skating.. he doesn't really have much input into it. He likes to watch me, and is more interested in the jumps & spins he sees me do than my mom is.
I feel like he has no option regarding  my skating and schoolwork. Of course, I can't know for sure, but it's always an immediate no.. it's never 'I'll discuss with your dad.'

My mother was worried about the same thing- whether I'd have the same opportunities and success in homeschooling. This is my third year, and I've done great. My virtual school is one of the top rated schools in my state, so colleges readily accept the credits from the courses. She now tells everybody how great homeschooling is.
I learned a long, long time ago she follows through on threats.. which is why I was already working on catching the work up before she decided to go check on it and start yelling at me.
I'm definitely, absolutely going to college, because if I don't I will regret it later. But I'm not going to go get some eight-year degree in some highly specialized field.
My brother's actually getting much better grades in college. He just didn't in high school.

My mother is always telling me that I should go to a college with an ice program. Like this one in Virginia with a synchro team and a freeskate team. I have no clue where she got that idea- especially since she knows I can't stand teams, especially synchro.

Thank you, Kat!! Great for somebody to recognize that it's wrong for parents to do that.

[icefrog]

Some schools with Freeskate teams just have some private sessions for the team members, like club ice. They practice together and compete in Collegiate Competitions if the skater chooses too. Thats my understanding of it anyway. Its a great way to get cheap ice and meet skaters from your school. I wish my school had it!

[kssk8fan]

Sierra, here's something to think about.  If you were on a high school basketball team, if you fell behind in your school work - it wouldn't be your mother telling you, you couldn't practice or play in the game.  It would be your coaches.   I see coaches bench players all of the time because the "student-athlete" was falling behind in their studies.  Skating is a privilege, not a right.  If you blow off your schooling because all you want to do is skate, where will you be? 

As a parent of a competitive skater, I don't think I'd ever place my child with a coach that didn't or wasn't working on his/her education in some shape or form.  Do you need a college degree to coach?  Absolutely not.  Are there great coaches that have never gotten farther than a high school degree?  Probably.   However a college education does more than just give you a few book smarts here and there.  It provides you with an education in independence, responsibility, time management, and ultimately communication.  Four characteristics that are MUCH needed in the world of figure skating coaches.  It also provides a safety net so to speak.  If coaching isn't right for you, you have something to fall back.  If you ever decide you would like to become a skating director of a rink, a college degree would be a bonus, if not a requirement. 

These are things to think about when you're young.  Your mother wants whats best for you.  If she didn't, she wouldn't have cared if you fell behind in school!!!  I remember being your age and thinking my mother didn't care what I wanted, didn't understand me, etc...  I think we all feel that same way about our mothers during the teen years.  However, eventually you'll get to the point and actually thank her for caring! 

I'm not your parent but I will tell you what I say to my younger daughter - if your grades drop or you slack off in school, skating stops until you're on track again.  She's working on her double axel combo's......first competition in March.....does not have the luxury of taking time off.  However, as a parent -  I will enforce my threats if she starts slacking!  It's my first priority as a mother to keep her priorities in check! She's a straight A student without too much effort on her part.  It's easy to tell if she's slacking!!!  HAHA

Keep your chin up!  a day of lost ice time is nothing to fret about

[Kat]

I did better in college too.  To be honest with you, I found college easier!  I don't know if that said something about my college, my high school, or just the fact that I didn't have to take EVERY class EVERY day and therefore had more free time to do schoolwork and such (and not homework in every class every night).  Or maybe it's just that I had more of a choice of which classes to take so I was able to take stuff that was more interesting to me.

[Sierra]

Of course I'm not going to blow off my schooling. I just wish I wasn't held to the standard of perfection. I actually had a B last year, but since this is high school, all of a sudden A's matter a lot more..

There was a special recognition page on my club's website about one of the junior coaches who had tested all the way through Senior moves and freestyle. I showed it to my mother and told her that was one of my goals, testing up. Of course, I received no response.

[Doubletoe]

Of course I'm not going to blow off my schooling. I just wish I wasn't held to the standard of perfection. I actually had a B last year, but since this is high school, all of a sudden A's matter a lot more..

Well, that's actually true.  These days it's hard to get into a good college without having close to an A average. It's just gotten so much more competitive than it used to be. 

[Sk8tmum]

Well, that's actually true.  These days it's hard to get into a good college without having close to an A average. It's just gotten so much more competitive than it used to be. 

Very good point. Sierra, I would suggest that you pull up the website of whatever program you are interested in studying in college (university?) and check their admission requirements - not the minimum ones, the ones that gain admission to the program.  And, look at the expectations for scholarships.  Then, work to that goal along with the skating, recognizing that if you practice managing your time wisely and well in high school, you'll be able to manage it well enough to skate in college/university.

[davincisop]

On the subject of grades, Sierra you mentioned you're from Florida. Have you heard of the IB program? I went to a high school with that program and I knew a LOT of people in it with me who had above a 4.0 gpa couldn't get into the university of Florida. Now granted a lot of my high school did go there but a good number got deferred until spring and only a handful got it early admission. I however went to a smaller state school a bit north of that and got in with my gpa (it was above a 4.0 but not much) and was perfectly happy there. But I tried picking up skating again that year and trying to balance everything caused my grades and gpa to plummet.

So make sure you can manage your time better. I ended up waiting until my junior year before I started skating again. It ended up being worth it and I'm progressing much quicker than I ever did when I was younger but I've also known when to not skate bc of school.

Bless my coach that she put up with my crazy school schedule this semester and my changing my lesson days and skipping a week or two while I finished up school. I think promising to do synchro was a factor in her patience lol. 

[Sierra]

I looked at the specific degrees the college offered and was completely lost after about five minutes. Sorry.

The Bright Futures scholarship that Florida runs is pretty lax in their requirements. My brother got about 60% coverage in tuition. He'd have gotten more, but his SAT was just under the minimum. I think they do it by levels, each level having a GPA and SAT requirement. Or something.

There was a girl down the street who was in IB. She went off to some prestigious college and plans to become an astronaut.

That's not who I am or what I want to do. I can't justify doing IB without an ulterior goal or motivation. I can't do IB and then go to a good, not great, college and get a generic degree. I want to be good enough, not extraordinary.

[Sk8tmum]

The International Baccaleurate program is a phenomenal educational opportunity; the quality of the education earned under it is internationally recognized and is of great benefit to those who are able to enroll it in and have the diligence to complete it. You have posted many times that school is easy and you easily achieve high grades; perhaps this is a program that you belong in. It is a perfect fit for highly intelligent students with a competitive drive who want to succeed. Not all of them become astronauts ... many just become well-rounded, well-educated, effective individuals who know how to manage their time and how to learn.

You need to revisit that website that you got lost in. If you do not know the target that you are after, you cannot stay on track.  You need to know the requirements, or you may be in for a nasty surprise in a few years (I teach too many teens who have had that happen to them).

[drskater]

I’ve served as a faculty member representative on Admissions, and more importantly, Scholarship Committees. Let me preface my remarks, by noting that as a society we are now place huge educational demands on adolescents who, for a number of reasons (including lack of pre-frontal cortex maturity and synaptic density), cannot appreciate what they really need to do to gain admission to top universities and/or win scholarships. The system favors the privileged who can afford the time and money to access the necessary resources to help their kids succeed. It is a shame, because these are not necessarily the best students in college.

As for skating and college…

The advice you are getting reflects a pool of knowledge from experienced adults who know what it takes to write your own ticket. You want control over your life? In our society, you have to earn it.

Obviously, figure skating may help you gain admission to a college since the sport and the discipline required to do well suggests a good student. However, most of the scholarships (such as USFS and ISI funding) REQUIRE concrete, verifiable achievements.  You will need to pass your tests and skate competitively. Moreover, if I were to encounter an application where the prospective student discussed his/her figure skating, I would feel more comfortable seeing some level of achievement (skated in Regionals; passed FS 5) and etc. (Sorry to sound cynical, but you would not believe the number of applicants who, ahem, exaggerate their sports background).

On a different note: Sierra, try to accept your Mother’s “indifference” to your skating. She is probably ambivalent for a number of reasons, most of which you have no ability to control. Teenagers all over the country want “ideal” Mothers—you are not alone (indeed, “idealization” is classic in adolescent psychology). Do what you can and try to roll with the punches.  Look for a friend at the rink who is willing to provide the feedback on your skating that you crave.  Remember, that when you are an adult (not too long from now) you can skate all day, every day, provided you have the time and money (and getting that time and money is where your college education kicks in).

[davincisop]

Sierra, I completed and graduated from IB and went to a small state school. I initially went there for opera. I graduated a week ago with a bachelor of fine arts with a concentration in graphic design.

Not all ib kids go to prestigious schools and become astronauts. I did IB and passed it with the goal I'd be helping out my parents with money by getting 100% bright futures (it's since changed now with the dip in the economy and all).

You may think or feel like people here are ganging up on you. I can assure you we are not. We just want you to keep a realistic goal of what's out there.

Heck, graphic design isn't even a guaranteed field. I have an internship now that may lead to a job but it also may not. I plan on coaching someday, but not before I pass more levels and feel ready. Two summers ago I took a course on Bartending (around when the economy plummeted) just in case I couldn't get a job in design I'd always have that under my belt to make some money somewhere else.

It's not that anyone here doesn't think coaching is a good idea, it's that you want thar backup plan so you have some sort of steady income in case the economy tanks like it did. I work for minimum wage at my rink. I have an internship and it's unpaid. Even if I dont get a job at this place, I have that cushion of my job at the rink just in case I do have a lapse in design jobs.

Think of coaching like a freelance job (a student), they're never guaranteed, if you get one WONDERFUL, if you keep an ongoing relationship with that client that leads to steady work (a regular weekly student), amazing!, but if that client gets hurt financially (in the case of a student the parent loses a job or they dont have money to pay or god forbid they get hurt physically) or decides they don't want that specific job done anymore, you're out a client. You want a backup that you can LIVE off of just in case those freelance jobs come in. In my case as a real world example, I've got my internship and I have two big potential freelance jobs starting next month. I wouldn't be able to live and pay rent off those two jobs because I'm not experienced enough to get the big bucks quite yet. And because they are freelance I can't even TOUCH the money until the next year just so I make sure I can pay the taxes on them.

Right now, you're young. enjoy it. We all just want you to be aware that being a coach even full-time may not pay the bills.

Have you thought of asking if you could help with learn to skate for some volunteer hours? I had to do a LOT of volunteering throughout middle and high school because of various organizations and I was able to knock out some of them by volunteering at the LTS classes. it gives you a little coaching experience, too

[Sierra]

Well, okay. I found a Bachelor of Science Athletic Training degree. It's mainly for preventing and rehabilitating injury in athletes. That would be very useful knowledge for a coach; and a decent part time job in which I could easily emphasize with the patients. Mom agrees. She's all over it.

I'm afraid to even mention IB, because then everybody would immediately expect me to do it. At the moment, I have no choice whether or not I want to do Honors, I'm just expected to do it. Imagine what would happen with IB. And some of those honors assignments are a pain in the butt.

I have told Mom that figure skating is a very good extracurricular to put on applications. That testing and competition achievements would be very impressive to college's eyes, etc. And, as usual, all she cares about is the GPA.

  Look for a friend at the rink who is willing to provide the feedback on your skating that you crave. 

I have the friend providing feedback already Mostly in the form of "NO! No sitting on your double salchow! -coach's name here- will kill you for it!" It's really nice for somebody other than my coach to care. She hasn't been around lately, though.
LTS coaches here have to be at least 16, btw.

It's hard to enjoy being young when I spend each day waiting for it to end so skating day can come quicker.

[davincisop]

I'm not saying do IB. Gonna be honest, I didn't have much of a social life in it. It was great for my gpa and getting a scholarship but the only thing I was able to make time for was chorus and even then it was hard to balance it all. It does teach time management which I didn't quite get until my senior year of COLLEGE when I was balancing classes I enjoyed with skating.

IB can be great but not everyone is cut out for it, I wasn't really, but I realized that 3 years in and figured dropping it would be a waste of time at that point. Don't even get me started on the extended essay in which I wrote about music in the Bolshevik revolution, that was a dumb idea.

[SillyAdultSkater]

Well, okay. I found a Bachelor of Science Athletic Training degree. It's mainly for preventing and rehabilitating injury in athletes. That would be very useful knowledge for a coach; and a decent part time job in which I could easily emphasize with the patients. Mom agrees. She's all over it.

Well I for one think it sounds like a great plan. You'll have a fall-back option and btw, one of my club's former coaches (now coaches in a nearby town) is a physiotherapist or something like that too. She coaches skaters at the high level (nationals and stuff, depends on skater's age of course too).

[Sierra]

For the last couple of weeks I've been at the rink everyday (long story- the ice time was free). I've realized just *how much* other kids skate. Ones at or near my level skate 2 to 4 times as much as me. Skaters at the level I want to achieve (dbl axel) skate 2-3 hours everyday, with plentiful lessons. I'm deluding myself if I really think I can achieve a double axel, plus Senior tests, on 4.5 hours, 1 lesson a week, and having started at 12.
I'm never going to get my mother to change. I realize this more than ever after many people- including my dad and total strangers- have told me how impressed they are at my dedication on the ice. If somebody can watch me for 5 minutes and see that in my face, yet my mother cannot or will not.. there is really nothing I can do.
I just need to hold on for another year and a half. Then I'll be able to drive and get a job. The chances of my getting a job at all, and that job supporting both serious skating and a vehicle, are slim to none. It breaks my heart. But there is nothing to be done except work hard at my current skating and wait.

After skating so much and observing the coaches on my breaks, I know more than ever, with resounding certainty, that this is what I want to do. I want skating in my life for the rest of my life. It doesn't look promising right now, but lots of things can change by the time I'm 16 and 18. I've come a very long way from last February, when I first began to really love skating. If I can do so much in a year, there is much more to be achieved in the next four or five years. And those four or five years cannot be allowed to fly by because of my thinking in constant loops.
So I just need to keep my glass half full, and let the future happen. I will do everything to my utmost ability to support skating, and let fate take care of the rest. It's very difficult to just do nothing right now, but the facts are that my mother isn't changing and a fairy is not going to come down and grant me all my wishes and dreams. I'll just keep bugging everyone on here, and we'll see where I am after college.

[davincisop]

Sierra, don't get discouraged. Sometimes it takes mommies a long time to understand how much you love something.

My mom is finally realizing I'm dedicated to my skating and asks about it now. I've been on the ice consistently for two years now and going on 6 months of lessons and one month of synchronized skating, plus working at the ice rink and balancing an internship. It's a lot of work. I haven't been home since January 1st. Heck, I'm barely in my apartment anymore I'm so busy.  But two weeks ago my dad came up for a business meeting and my mom texted me and said the night before "Hey, when your dad goes to [city] tomorrow, I thought I could hitch a ride with him and come watch you skate. What time is your synchro class tomorrow?". I was ecstatic. I left my internship a little early so I could meet up with her and take her to the rink with me. She met my coach and met some of my coworkers and watched me practice synchro and could see in my face just how happy being on the ice makes me. It's taken a long time for her to see that and it wasn't until we went skating at the Sky Rink that she saw how far I'd come from when she last saw me skate and confided that it actually scares her to watch me because she's afraid I will get hurt. She's coming up this wednesday because I entered a local advertising design competition and they're showing the entries on wednesday night at 5 and she wants to see mine (she paid for my entry fee because she was excited about me possibly getting recognition and something extra to put on my resume) and she said she'd like to come watch me coach LTS and practice synchro afterwards and then we're going to go to dinner.

(**I almost think, on a sort of spiritual note, you can believe it or not, that my grandma (her mom) gave her some encouragement and confidence about me skating when I was at synchro when she came to watch me. She told me afterwards that there was a moment when I was out there that I looked just like her mom and she almost had to look away because it surprised her. That's only happened when I've been doing something I loved, in the past it would happen when I was singing at a chorus performance, she'd come up to me afterwards and say "you looked just like my mom up there". I think it's my grandma's way of saying "Linda, she's ok out there and she's happy. Let her enjoy it and enjoy it for her.")

Like I said, it sometimes takes a lot for moms to understand how much you love something before they accept it. Your mom could very well be like my mom and just be scared of you doing jumps and stuff which is why she seems to be deterring you from it. But I also work part time at the ice rink and pay for all my lessons and classes on my own, and I just got asked to teach LTS.  She sees how excited I get when I talk about skating and she's seen how happy I am when I do skate. It took a long time for her to respond when I told her I landed a jump. I just got my salchow back on Friday and told her and she wrote back "Good. " So it's a start. Just be patient with your momma. If you have to see if she will watch you. Have your coach talk to her about your goals, etc. My coach told my mom I was doing the Florida Open in April and mom asked where it was and she's going to go support me there. I'd only mentioned to her I was competing in April, hadn't told her when or where. But she liked hearing how my coach spoke about me and how enthusiastic she was about the whole thing.

Write down for yourself a list of your skating goals. Find a way to talk to your mom about it. Sit her down and ask her why she doesn't support you emotionally in skating. Tell her when you're able to drive you're going to get a job to help support your skating.

Trust me, I know it's hard when your mom doesn't show the same enthusiasm for what you love as you want her to but after some time she will realize and show it back.

[fsk8r]

Sierra, I fully understand where you're coming from. My mom hates me and my sister skating (yes I said HATES!). It gets the blame for everything. My sister and I are both adults and have to pay for our own skating. We're in full control of the skating bills so it's not as if we're draining the finances. However, my mother seems to think we should be on very short apron strings and forever visiting her.
My sister is currently training with a senior synchro team for Worlds. My parents have just organised to get tickets to go watch. So my mother hears my sister has a day off work and is asking if she's coming home for lunch. As my sister said, by now she should know that they day off work my sister has is the day of synchro practice and that if my parents want to see her skate at Worlds she better go to practice and not lunch. My mom just doesn't get it. The only bit about skating she likes is when we do well and she can boast to her friends. She doesn't understand the sport and doesn't want to.
I personally don't talk to her about it anymore. It's a bit of my life which is me and she isn't welcome there (sounds harsh but it makes me happier). This attitude came when I showed her the video from my first skating competition. I'd done really well and landed the flip jump the coach put in as a stretch element. Coach was delighted. My mom asked where the jumps were! And then said the little hoppy things.... OK they probably do look like little hoppy things on a camera view finder and look nothing like triple flips that the top skaters do, but still....
With regards to your goals of landing your double axel, passing senior tests and becoming a coach. There's nothing stopping ou on the ice time you've got. It just might take you a little longer. And hey once you're finished school, you're the one paying the bills so you can organise your life to fit as much skating as you want in.

[jjane45]

Sierra, do your best and see how far your determination takes you. At least at the end of the day, you will be able to say you did not waste a single penny nor a single second.

There are talented children whose parents cannot afford any privates or even have to stop group lessons. There are also children who have the financial resources but never manage to get beyond single flips. Let's do your 120% with what you realistically can have.

Speaking of this, a preteen friend of mine was able to teach birthday parties at my rink last week. Could you help around at the rink for pay?

[isakswings]

For the last couple of weeks I've been at the rink everyday (long story- the ice time was free). I've realized just *how much* other kids skate. Ones at or near my level skate 2 to 4 times as much as me. Skaters at the level I want to achieve (dbl axel) skate 2-3 hours everyday, with plentiful lessons. I'm deluding myself if I really think I can achieve a double axel, plus Senior tests, on 4.5 hours, 1 lesson a week, and having started at 12.

Sierra...

Hang in there. You are right to keep your glass half full. YES other skaters might skate more then you do and have more lessons then you do, but honestly, determination can go a long way. I can't remember how much you say you skate a week. Just skate when yu can and keep doing what you are doing and go from there. Honestly, you might skate less then some of the other skaters, but I bet you utilize every minute of ice that you can!

As far as what might be when you are older... at my daughter's rink, the employees get to skate for free. Maybe when you are 16, you can get a job at the rink and if they offer ice to their employees, that will help with your skating budget. So... if you can take ice money and put it into something else. Another way my daughter earns free ice is by helping out on learn to skate. i don't know if all rinks do this, but you might ask if yours does and see if they need/want help. It would be a great way for you to get some experience helping other skaters learn AND you could earn free ice! My daughter saves me around 40/mo doing this. I tell her it is her way of paying for skating. What about group lessons? is there anyone who is your level who might be interested in taking a group lesson with you? That might also be a less expensive way to add in another lesson. I don't know if that is doable or not now, but maybe in the future it will be.

You will be fine. If you really want to coach, you WILL do it. Hang tight... it will work out.