There may be a few of you who remember me from the old forums as the 13 yr old who wanted skating to be her entire life. I wanted to get a job so I could pay for skating everyday, I wanted to become relatively good despite my late starting age (12), and I wanted to make coaching into a career. I worried about what might hold me back... money, time, my age, my parents.
What I never imagined was that the single biggest challenge of my skating career, and of my entire life, would be depression. I am 17 now, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last summer. It's something that's been going on since I was 15.
At one point, skating was my dream. With depression, there is no dreams.. it's been over a year now that I struggle to get out of bed and go to the rink. It's been two years since I could truly enjoy skating without tearing myself down. It's not fair to me or my coach when I'm not putting in the effort necessary... and I have to accept that skating is not healthy for me. This is when I have to step away and learn how to restructure my thought processes before I set foot on the ice. I don't know if I'll return next year, or after I finish college, or when I'm 30- but one thing I do know, this isn't over.
Thank you to all the forum members from the last four years.