Why do you skate?

[sampaguita]

My parents saw me skate for the first time a few days ago. My mother told me that both she and my dad thought that skating was not my strength. I lacked grace, I lacked speed -- in short, I just didn't have skating talent. Not that it's a surprise -- I'm not stupid enough to think that I'm going to be the oldest Olympic champion.

I've been taking lessons for 6 months now. I just began FS1 two weeks ago and just learned the waltz and half-flip jumps. Although I'm not going to stop skating (yet) because of what my parents told me, I admit it has lowered my self-esteem. I mean, why am I spending all that money on skating when I'm not going to be good at it anyway? I tell myself that it's my form of once-a-week "fun physical exercise", but now that I'm getting loaded by work and grad school, I'm starting to think it might not be worth it...

I know a lot of members in this forum are adults who are working. How do you convince yourself to keep skating, and how do you find the time and resources to do so? Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for this talentless skater?

[fsk8r]

I showed my mother the video of my first competition. I was really proud as I'd actually landed the flip in the program and it was a clean skate. She asked what the little hoppy thing was. That was the flip I'd been so proud of landing. At that point, I realised she didn't actually appreciate how difficult skating actually is.
I'd imagine your parents had expected you to be looking like an Olympic level skater. If you don't come from a skating family, that's there only experience with the sport. And as a sport it's difficult. I met an adult beginner who'd taken a year off work to learn to skate. He'd taken other sports up over the years and is always able to enter competitions very quickly. But think about it, you can play a game of tennis when you're still a beginner. You just need to be able to hit the ball sometimes. Similarly with soccer. But you can't really put together a competition program for skating until you've moved way beyond going forwards on the ice and stopping (I'm ignoring tots competitions).

Anyway, if you've managed to make it to FS1 in 6 months, that's remarkable progress. 6 months ago you were starting out, now you're jumping. What are you going to be doing in 6 months time? There's so much more out there to learn.

(And anyway would you really want to just stand on the treadmill in the gym for your weekly exercise?)

[karne]

My parents saw me skate for the first time a few days ago. My mother told me that both she and my dad thought that skating was not my strength. I lacked grace, I lacked speed -- in short, I just didn't have skating talent.

<snip>

 I tell myself that it's my form of once-a-week "fun physical exercise", but now that I'm getting loaded by work and grad school, I'm starting to think it might not be worth it...

I know a lot of members in this forum are adults who are working. How do you convince yourself to keep skating, and how do you find the time and resources to do so? Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for this talentless skater?

You are NOT talentless. You made it to FS1, didn't you? Your mum and dad obviously know NOTHING about figure skating at all. My parents are the same, especially my father who will happily say that it's not a sport and that you don't have to be tough or strong to do it and that there's no point if you're not going to the Olympics. My father will even AVOID coming to my tests.

There are some people in this world that you're never going to convince. They don't matter. I know it feels like your parents' opinion matters to you. Believe me, it matters to me, it hurts more than I can tell that my father refuses to acknowledge what I do as a sport. But the thing you have to remember is who are you skating for? You're not skating for them. You're skating for YOU. YOU are paying for it, it is YOUR choice. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough.


Really, I think you should confront your parents and tell them that what they said really hurt you because you've been working hard. Telling their child that she didn't have skating talent or grace or strength is HORRIBLE IMO.

[rosereedy]

All the above!  I would never tell anyone they were talentless.  That is tacky!  It might be something they are proud of and to tell them they basically stink at it could really hurt them.  Might even make them quit what they are doing.  You should be proud of yourself for landing a flip so fast.  Took me A YEAR to land one.  GO YOU!!!  YOU ROCK!!  Keep skating and wear your head high.  I don't see them out there doing it.

[sampaguita]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I just want to clarify something, as I have put my parents in bad light that they didn't deserve. While it is true that they have told me that I specifically lacked grace and speed, and that skating wasn't my strength, it wasn't to discourage me. In fact, they did not object at all to my skating. I guess that being the perfectionist that I am, and having been raised to think that one should work on improving one's talents, my parents' factual observations struck me as "I'm not a natural in this -- shouldn't I be focusing on grad school which I need and which I am better at?"

I've been thinking myself about this, and I'd like to thank everyone who posted for their insights. I am the first in my family to learn ice skating. The only exposure my parents had was watching me and my brothers skate (before my learn-to-skate days), and watching the gala performances of Mao Asada and Kim Yu Na in the 2010 Olympics. They definitely don't know lunges or spirals or lutzes or inside and outside edges; and I'm sure they have no idea how hard it was for me to learn a 3-turn and a mohawk.

Instead of thinking about whether I should continue skating or not, I decided to think about what I would do if I were to quit skating. Frankly, I find it hard to think of any other form of exercise that will be as fulfilling, as this is the ONLY sport I actually loved to do. Although I could replace skating time with grad school stuff, it wouldn't be healthy to not have some significant physical activity. (I wouldn't fancy being on a treadmill for 2 hours  )

I do hope that I'd become more graceful on ice in the future, because I've always wanted to compete and perform in shows. For now, I think that if I'm happier skating than not skating, it's worth a try.


P.S. I made a mistake in counting -- I started taking lessons 7 months ago, not 6.

[hopskipjump]

When you do something don't you look to the pros for commentary?  When you write a paper, do you have your parents read and grade it first?  Or do you leave it up to your professors?  When you skate, leave the comments to your coach.  Let your parents know you are happy when you skate and to enjoy that aspect - you being happy more than monitoring your technical skills.

It wasn't until dd was skating more than 6 months before I realized she was skating on edges.  I thought skates were skated on flat.  That is what it LOOKS like from the stands if you have no idea what you are looking for.  Your parents weren't meaning to hurt your feelings, they are just like me - clueless when it comes to skating. 

A LTS mom sat with us (moms who have kids in axel and doubles) and she asked how long the girls have been skating.  The moms answered 5 years.  Five years and that is all you get.  She didn't mean to sound like she didn't appreciate her dd's progress - just that it is hard work and to not compare progress and if you are in it for the gold medal, it cannot be the only reason.

[Sk8tmum]

A LTS mom sat with us (moms who have kids in axel and doubles) and she asked how long the girls have been skating.  The moms answered 5 years.  Five years and that is all you get.  She didn't mean to sound like she didn't appreciate her dd's progress - just that it is hard work and to not compare progress and if you are in it for the gold medal, it cannot be the only reason.

Oh god, I think I know this parent: and then they get all freaked out when they ask how much the skates cost, and discover it's over $100, right?  Actually, I remember being this LTS skate parent, and I got really discouraged, because I didn't know enough about skating to be able to tell what looked to me like pretty basic stuff (I didn't know an axel from a waltz jump, and didn't know WHAT a spiral was) was actually fairly impressive ... now, years later, I make a point of being very positive and upbeat with the LTS parents, so they don't get discouraged and quit ... (and I refuse to tell them how much my kids' skates cost ... that would be enough to make anyone sane person quit immediately!)

But, you know, there are very negative people out there: my mother never had a nice word to say about anything or anyone, so, we just -somehow- never seemed to have a skating session ON when she visited   or, when we had to, we sat her with somebody who we could trust to bounce up and down and exclaim loudly "HOW WONDERFUL!" when something good happened on the ice.  It was always great to see her consternation ... and I think it also helped her feel good about what her grandkids were doing, even if she herself didn't have a clue as to what she was looking at.

[AgnesNitt]

Well, I started at 55, and I have no illusions about competing. But I can give you advice.

When people start laying into you about 'not going to the Olympics' or 'is that it'? You look them in the eye and in a firm voice say (the periods indicate pauses): "It's. A . Hobby." Make sure you practice this in a mirror beforehand so you have it ready.  If your parents want you to pursue your graduate work instead, ask them if they would also like you to take some aerobics classes to keep in shape. If they say yes, just say "This is my aerobics." I wore one of those calorie monitor watches skating and aerobics. Skating burned up 100 more calories than aerobics and I was really working at the top of the scale in aerobics.

(Deleted a comment.)

[FigureSpins]

I've never understood why people get so hung up on pointing out that anyone "isn't going to the Nats/Olys."

Anytime someone asks about starting a sport, some idiot has to rain on their parade by pointing that out, like it means something. It's really just mean-spirited: 99.9% of athletes in ANY sport aren't going the Olympics, regardless of how great they are at what they do!  There are only a few slots every four years, the odds are just boggling, so it's irrelevant.

Sorry, I'm ranting.

[jjane45]

You look them in the eye and in a firm voice say (the periods indicate pauses): "It's. A . Hobby." Make sure you practice this in a mirror beforehand so you have it ready. 

Love it <3

[techskater]

I've never understood why people get so hung up on pointing out that anyone "isn't going to the Nats/Olys."

Anytime someone asks about starting a sport, some idiot has to rain on their parade by pointing that out, like it means something. It's really just mean-spirited: 99.9% of athletes in ANY sport aren't going the Olympics, regardless of how great they are at what they do!  There are only a few slots every four years, the odds are just boggling, so it's irrelevant.

Sorry, I'm ranting.

Rant is well deserved!  I really want to rain back on some of the parades and say "he's not going to the NFL, so why play football?  After all, isn't that more dangerous than skating?"   

 

[Sk8tmum]

"Oh, is he going to the Olympics?"
"He wants to; but, he knows the tickets to see the events and having to travel to wherever it is being held is really expensive so he knows that it isn't going to happen unless he gets a really good job after University and saves up his money."

[fsk8r]

"Oh, is he going to the Olympics?"
"He wants to; but, he knows the tickets to see the events and having to travel to wherever it is being held is really expensive so he knows that it isn't going to happen unless he gets a really good job after University and saves up his money."

Not likely if he was thinking about London next year. Tickets are super expensive and the lottery they held for the locals to buy tickets was such that the majority of people got nothing. We're not bitter.

But what I do find odd about skating is how there's a continual emphasis on the Olympics. I played field hockey and was at a very rowing dominated school. I was actually at school with quite a few Olympians, which I find quite odd given that so few people go. However, there was never once a mention of Olympics when they were younger. Both sports just emphasised the next step on the journey and it just happened that some individuals kept progressing through each of the steps. So in skating terms there was only ever an emphasis on the next test and the next competition and the next skill to learn.

[karne]

A LTS mom sat with us (moms who have kids in axel and doubles) and she asked how long the girls have been skating.  The moms answered 5 years.  Five years and that is all you get.  She didn't mean to sound like she didn't appreciate her dd's progress - just that it is hard work and to not compare progress and if you are in it for the gold medal, it cannot be the only reason.

Because I am almost inevitably the oldest person on my freestyle session (at 23, oh geez), I tend to talk with the mums a lot more than the kids. There's one mum in particular who has a son skating - he has behavioural issues, believe it or not, but his mum said that as soon as he started learning from his coach (the strictest and toughest in the rink) he improved out of sight. Always been a nice boy to me - anyway, I could tell from the offing that she was clueless about the whole thing. So one day when I was taking off my skates her little daughter asked me what "those" were - my soakers, and I began explaining to both her and the mother basic skate care. No-one had thought to tell them anything like that. They were just brushing the ice off the blades and putting the skates in the box.  After that, the mum would sometimes ask me what her son was doing or learning, and if I knew, I would explain it. Because I'm several levels ahead of her son in the Aussie Skate program, I explain the elements in each level. And the kid is good, very good. Painfully shy, but very good, and his mum appreciates every step of his progress. I like it.

I think sometimes people forget that not everyone has the knowledge of what we do. A lot of LTS parents haven't a clue what their child is doing, only that another child only a year or two older (or sometimes younger) is over there doing those huge double spinny jumpy things. (The 12-year-old Primary girl at my rink - I feel sorry for pretty much every 12-year-old learner at my rink, there's always comparisons!)

[hopskipjump]

I can commiserate with her.  I can't tell most jumps apart.  The axel was kind of easy - it involved crossing her arms over her chest...but now that she is working on all her doubles there are a couple other times she crosses her arms.  The only double I really recognize is double toe loop because of that big dig in the ice.  And no matter how much I watch - her, videos, her friends, I still don't have any idea at times and the other moms will tell me or say she did x well.  It's not that I'm not interested, I just can't see it.  it makes my "job" easier though - I only get to say "you looked happy" or "you looked like you were really focused" or "was it fun today?".  Other parents say "Squeeze; pull in more" and have other helpful instructional advice to their kids.

sampaguita - I do think if you love it, that will keep encouraging you to find resources and time.  My ds was a music major and for the first semester after he changed majors he stopped playing (no amount of practice was going to make him a pro).  He is a musician at heart because after a hiatus, he remembered why he loved music and now plays as a hobby - when he is feeling emotional, he has picked up another instrument that is more social, and he plays and discovered singing at open mic nights, and he has had some amateur jobs - local theater and weddings.  Now that the pressure is off he enjoys mor than when it was his major. 

[skatingpasty]

Going back to the original poster's post, my parents are pretty similar to yours. They don't believe in my becoming a great 'figure skating champion' (which i know I won't) but they seriously show no interest in ym skating at all.

My mam pointed out the other day that I was "obsessed" because I was skating every morning OR evening most days of the week - she actually said that going once a week is enough! (2 hour practise a week for me is certainly NOT enough!)
Doesn't it frustrate you when parents don't understand, it's a hobby, but a serious hobby to me - i'm not going to the olympics, or competing in british championships etc. but I would like to compete in club competitions and open competitions, no matter how much I have to train.

I think for me no matter how bad I skated one day I wouldn't loose motivation or determination. Yes my jumps may go wrong, my spins may fail, I might completely make a fool of myself on the ice whilst being laughed at the immature public and hockey skaters whizzing around, but I don't think I would ever be able to hang up my skates and say "i quit" - all that hard work would have been for nothing.

But to answer 'why do I skate' it would be because I love it - I love the feeling of whizzing around the ice, the feeling of spinning around, the feeling of jumping high in the air and landing on a smooth outside edge.
And the fact that the majority of people cannot do what I do (except figure skaters of course)
with dance for example, you show your friends a few little jumps and twirls in the air, they would be able to copy you to some extent. But you show them an axel and a scratch spin, i don't think they would be able to do the same

[sampaguita]

Thank you very much to everyone who replied. It's very inspiring to hear what inspires you to skate. :-)

[Teresa]

Welcome in advance. =-) First, even as an adult it's important that the special people in your life applaud your progress in skating. I know I wanted my husband to proud of me when he came to watch. Skaters understand how hard learning every little thing is, watchers have no idea. Take your parents skating. I'm guessing they will think your pretty wonderful! =-) Second, your motivation needs to come from inside you. Some days when "everything" is going well it will be easy. On the days your sick, hurt, frusterated...it will be a challenge. Your LOVE of the sport and ability to push yourself will be the motivator. If skating is important to you, you will find a way. As an adult skater I've learned to be an expert at protecting my skating time. My family and friends have learned my schedule and work around if for me. My saying is, "Don't mess with my skating time! I will be easier to live with if you respect this."=-) Skating is expensive. You pick and choose carefully how you spend your skating funds. Yes, some folks seem to have a limitless budget. Most folks have to make choices. Ditto with ice time. My biggest tip is to have fun, love the sport and challenge yourself in some way each time you skate.

Teresa

[Laneybug7]

I know how you're feeling...I started skating about four years ago because there was an ice rink at the college I was attending and I thought why not do something constructive during my 2 hr long breaks.  Anyways, within months, I fell in love with this sport...took lessons, competed, joined actually two of the local clubs(due to a brief fallout I had with my home club..all is well now).  Despite all the happiness it's given me, my parents just don't understand.  They think the idea of performing in shows and competitions is only for the elite and young skaters.  My forte is artistic and showcase, so shows are a great way to try out programmes and have fun with it.  Honestly, I think I can land a triple axel and my mom still won't change her opinions of it.  They think lessons are a waste of time and money.  It's frustrating, but at the same time it's something that no one else in my family(of athletes, competitive dancers,) can do and hey, it makes me very happy.  I find support in fellow skaters and friends who are open minded.  I've even taken a few of them skating and had them try it out for themselves.  I also find support in fellow skaters..of all ages from all different clubs.  We're all working on something. 

Why do I skate? Because it makes me feel happy, confident, challenged, creative, genius, fool, graceful, clumsy, happy, and much more.  I know I love it when I step off of a session and then maybe an hour or so later I want to skate again. I agree with Teresa...one of my most important rules is make most of the ice time.  It's expensive and limited, make every moment count..especially if you're the one paying for it.

[kiwiskater]

I took up skating for a number of reasons, primarily because I wanted a physical activity and other sports cost a fortune for classes, skating was comparatively cheap!

That said why I continue skating is for the enjoyment of mastering new skills, the challenge of overcoming obstacles - I took a bad fall in just week 5 of LTS and injured my wrist but 11 weeks later I was back on the ice enjoying myself. Sometimes its about not letting the fear get the better of me, I lost my easy carefree attempts at new skills after I got back and really shook up my wrist with falls every 2nd lesson for about 5 weeks, but I still want to skate - its just about convincing myself that it is OK to fall...

My response to parents who have no idea - try to get them out on the ice, our rink sometimes offers free taster lessons for parents, they'll understand how hard it is then. I'm lucky because I coaxed some of my family to join LTS with me so they understand what skating is about and how hard it is to be graceful etc while balancing on the edge of a blade!

[Qarol]

I've always been involved in some sort of dance, whether it's cheerleading, flag line in the marching band, ballet, etc. The thing I loved the most was skating. I can watch really good dancers or cheerleaders and think, that's nice. But when I see good skaters, I think, I want to do that! It was very hard when I graduated college to continue skating. I just couldn't afford it nor did I have the time with a full time job. I'm more established in my career and have a more flexible job that allows me to work from home sometimes. And I can afford coaching and ice time now. I don't have all the time in the world to skate, but I have enough free time to skate a few times a week and enjoy it. That's really what it's about. Enjoy it. If you love it, nothing else matters.

[ls99]

Well seems like a good time and place to make my first post.

 Joined the board sometime in February this year. Did not find an intro section. Do like to read the comments and tribulations.

I skate for the the fun of it.
 
And do it badly, if viewed by experienced skaters or instructors. Have no intent in getting involved with coaches or instructors. A lifetime of attending training sessions of all sorts left me having no tolerance for instructors.   Yeah, one day I'll qualify for a cormudgeon certificate.

  Only skate during public sessions.

I find skating to be great fun, challenge in getting better at balancing on a very narrow platform, forward backward. I like going slow then slowing to a stop on one skate and remain standing for a good bit of time. I also go around the rink for an hour or hour and a half non-stop. I do have a cheating factor, on and off of 40+ years of ju-jutsu gave me a good sense of balance and the ability to fall and get up successfully.

I like the fact that I am retired and can still learn new stuff. Now a bit more info about me, I am 63, in a few months 64. Started skating in January in rentals, then a cheap pair of fleebay specials, then found a pair of Risport Super Cristallos with MK double stars.  They were a pain until I got them punched.

 Prior to this January the last time I skated was around age 12. So a roughly 50 year break.  On skates that had jaws which clamped onto the soles of shoes or boots. My mother despaired the number of times the skates ripped the soles off of my boots. Only outdoors skating of course, on the flooded school yard. Never heard of saw a Zamboni.

Get on the ice roughly two or three time a week. Splendid way to pass the time.  I like skating a lot more than I thought I would.

Cheers.

[SynchKat]

Why do people think it's acceptable to tell people they have no talent and aren't going to excell?  I always think it's great if someone finds something they really like and commit to it.  It's acceptable for people to go to the gym religiously.

I've been skating my entire life and took it back up as an adult for exercise.  I was sick of spending hours at the gym on a treatmill or eliptical machine.  It's awesome exercise.

[karne]

Thank you very much to everyone who replied. It's very inspiring to hear what inspires you to skate. :-)

Just something I thought I'd mention that I didn't mention before.

I'm in my final year of uni and work part-time. Skating is my release, my self-indulgence time, a time for me to forget all the worries and cares (an essay due on Friday, I need to save to move out of home, I need to to xyz at work on the weekend etc) of my everyday life. When I step on the ice that doesn't exist anymore.

So just saying, it is possible to do well at grad school/university (I got a HD and a D last semester!), and still devote time to your skating. Obviously if you have an essay due at 5pm that's not quite finished and your skating session finishes at 5:30...well, then skating has to take a back seat. But it CAN be done.

[sampaguita]

Just something I thought I'd mention that I didn't mention before.

I'm in my final year of uni and work part-time. Skating is my release, my self-indulgence time, a time for me to forget all the worries and cares (an essay due on Friday, I need to save to move out of home, I need to to xyz at work on the weekend etc) of my everyday life. When I step on the ice that doesn't exist anymore.

So just saying, it is possible to do well at grad school/university (I got a HD and a D last semester!), and still devote time to your skating. Obviously if you have an essay due at 5pm that's not quite finished and your skating session finishes at 5:30...well, then skating has to take a back seat. But it CAN be done.

Thanks for this karne! Congrats on managing skating and good grades!

I still continue to skate when I can, although it has (always) taken a back seat to my work and studies. Recently I've also learned to control my appetite for skating. I put a week's interval or so between skating sessions so that my skating cravings will be satisfied. In between, I do off-ice stuff that takes less time and money, like Ashtanga yoga (which is an amazing workout for my upper body). I'm also thinking of doing regular workouts for my lower body. Right now, my mindset is that if I work on my muscle strength, my skating would improve. It helps me psychologically, since I don't feel too bad anymore about not being able to go to the ice that often.